Should the Black Community Consider Open Marriage?

272 comments
December 1, 2011 ‐ By Christelyn Karazin

Kenya Stevens, co-founder of Jujumama, a love-coaching company, is like me, outraged at the abysmal divorce and out-of-wedlock  rates in the black community. We both agree there’s a problem, but our solutions on how to solve it are as different as Mac and PC, Hemingway and McMillan, apples and oranges.

She and her husband Carl boldly put forth open marriage and sexual sharing as a viable option for both men and women and on its face, give some convincing arguments for why some should consider it. The couple has recently gained traction in popularity–they’ve been featured in Essence magazine, the Michael Baisden Show,” and “The Mo’Nique Show” on BET. (Mo’Nique has also stated she and her husband are in an open marriage.)

Stevens essentially says that people have been brainwashed into thinking human beings were meant to be monogamous and that only four percent of mammals in all creation are monogamous, which gives more credence to the human polyamorist ideal. She argues that Christianity and Islam are instrumental in shackling people into these rules. “That’s just a bunch of malarky to keep the peons in check. We’re not peons.” Lastly, it’s “the government” that doesn’t want couples to share resources because it doesn’t present a cost-benefit.

Stevens freely admits that she and her husband are in an open, sexual marriage. “Not only do we tell the truth about who we are and what we feel and what we desire, we can act upon those things,” Stevens said. And in fairness, she also states that some people have non-sexual open marriages in which they tell the truth about what they desire, but don’t act upon them. “The can have emotional love relationships with others, but they just don’t get out of monogamy.”

The goal, she says, it not to pursue sexual relationships out of “lust,” but out of “love.”  Stevens said her husband has “lots of women,” and she has “lots of men,” but they have love relationships with them–it’s not just lustful sex. “We want to have an authentic love relationship with our partners. We’re not looking to have short-term one night stands, swinging, sort of, dangerous affairs. We want to add individuals to our community. I know my husband’s love partners, he knows my love partners.”

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  • JustMe

    What type of bulls**t is this??? Lol. Smh what has this world come to?? Infedelity, adultery is ok as long as your partner approves and is doing it too? The nerve!!!!!!!!!! If so, why get married? why vow you will be with that person alone “till death do you part” if your intentions after marriage is to have a daily sex orgy added to your marriage?!?! Oh you don’t pursue sexual relationships out of lust, but love?? Absolutely demented!! Does this lady hear herself??? We all going to hell in a hand basket I SWEAR!!! Something soooo special SHOULD UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES BE DESECRATED to this FOOLISHNESS!!!

  • That Chick Is Crazy

    I adamantly disagree that an open relationship is the best thing for a marriage. Why get married? Why take a vow and commit yourself to one person if you can’t do it? There are too many STDs out there and too many crazy people out there; you’ll end up with more trouble than it’s worth. Yes, you can have “feelings of love” for another person while you’re married (I mean, you aren’t dead!) but when you take a vow to leave all others alone, then you do just that. Marriage is not obsolete, and religion is not brainwashing (per se)…in this current world of instant gratification and “me, me, me” people don’t feel they have to work as hard as they used to.

    What threw me the most is that the woman in the open relationship said that, if she got pregnant by a love partner, she would raise the child with her husband while the birth-father was involved. Lady, why the hell would you risk putting a potential child in that situation? Children need stability and that situation would not be stable. People of today got it all so twisted. I mean, is NOTHING sacred anymore??

  • Pivyque

    Hmmm to each its own. I would not be able to do it. 

  • Xpression

    What about the children?  I mean really how can you justify these other lovers to your kids…How many aunties and uncles can they have? SMH

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  • http://www.facebook.com/rakhem Rakhem Seku

    66% of married people (not men) have admitted to cheating, so the number is much higher.

  • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

    I don’t believe in hell.  Heaven and Hell are states of mind with heaven being peaceful an loving and hell being jealous, controlling and angry.  So we just have different views on thangs and that’s ok, right?

  • Jacara

    you polygamist women have no self esteem! Why arnt u enough for him? Maybe your to loose??

  • NJ

    I’ve read several of Kenya’s responses and it seems to me that she has brainwashed herself into thinking that what she and her husband are doing is acceptable…mainly from the fear of not wanting to be a part of the statistics of a divorced couple….so she decided that whatever would make her husband happy she would go along with, as long and only as long, as he remains with her so she would never have to say that her marriage didn’t work out because in her mind she refuses to be like so many people whose marriages fail…now she has the word love and lust all confused…I honestly think she can’t tell the difference between the two. And like any other person pushing their own agenda she goes against what the Word saids (which was written thousand of years before her creation and will continue to be even after she is no more) because if she doesn’t then that would mean that everything she has made herself to believe is really a lie. Girl..I’m going to pray for you. News flash your marriage is a lie but you pride yourself on the fact that you’ve been together for 16 yrs?…lol smh! Marriage isn’t easy but the beauty of it is being able to stay committed to one another even while temptations arise…your marriage has no boundary. Also as I read her words they don’t seem sincere its almost as if shes faking her happiness and state of “bliss” to make us think shes perfectly fine. 

    Kenya it seems to me your concern is a cheating mate…you said 66% of married men cheat your man is in that percentage too the only difference is you know about it and tolerate it… The real solution is not having an open marriage I think people need to talk more about WHY they’re getting married…I believe a lot of people get married for the wrong reasons in and out of the church. How about starting a dialogue with single, divorced and currently married people about marriage and what it really means. It’s not this fantasy like Disney has created it’s a lot of work from the beginning to end. It seems to me neither you or your husband were ever really ready for it and you still aren’t. 

  • Xyzebra

    Open marriage is not all that fun or open. People in it have all kinds of rules, like no sleeping w/same person twice, no outside sex more than certain # of times/month, no sexing other people in the marriage bed, always telling spouse who the other person was, no sexing within their circle of friends, no *certain sex acts* with other person, etc etc! Too much work! Better to just follow one rule: only have sex w/your spouse (as often as possible).

  • DARKMAN

    As you said this kind of relationship is not for everybody, and a majority of comments
    agree indirectly. What you do is your business, but DON’T CALL IT
    MARRIAGE,  A marriage is a legal contract between 2 people with
    established rules for a clear purpose. It’s like your standard job or
    your cellphone contract. So, it can’t be open or even ajar: any breach
    nullify it.

    So call it OPEN RELATIONSHIP and I’ll be fine with
    you. When you call it open marriage, it’s like redefining the rules by
    yourself and whoever follow this way. It’s like telling people “yes”
    means “no” or “car”… Unless you are able to pass a law to change the
    terms of a legal marriage like gay people did, you’ll lose your case.

    Good
    luck with you openness, It’s just an upgrade of  FRIENDS WITH BENEFIT.
    If I wasn’t married, I’ll love to be in multiple open relationships: NO
    STRING ATTACHED! I eat my cake and have it….

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    What God has yoked together let no man put apart. When you have sex with someone, you are becoming one…merging with them. They done merged with enough people to make a conglomerate.

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    This defeats the whole purpose of marriage. The marriage bed is suppose to be without defilement….and their bed is filled with potential diseases and filth.

    Matter of fact, the thought of wanting to have sex with someone other than your mate shouldn’t even come to your mind.

  • malaury

    if you want to sleep around with different people why get married then that is so stupid and dangerous. I hope they use protection because HIV is killing us in the black community. they are sick individuals  to think it is ok.

  • Pltnmp091575

    Hell no the blk community shouldn’t consider open marriage….that’s just a fancy way of saying your cheating, of your not satisfied with your partner then the answer is not to get another one, what are people thinking? The bible says two people,this worlds it’s going to hell, that’s why he destroyed us the first time, good luck to you, yall know ya wasn’t raised like that…..shame on you

  • truth

    why get married if you are going to be sleeping with other people and loving someone that is not your husband deeply? a marriage is between two people who love each other and want to share their lives with each other they are marrying to form a union with each other is it not?

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3EHQVSA365QAAO7CZUYW33EF5M Jonna

    Why do people constantly confuse love and sex?  It is ok to Love and to show Love to someone/everyone. Just take marriage out of the equation and call it what it is.  Keeping your options open.  

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      I’d never take my marriage out of the picture… I do apologize… giggle

      • Msmykimoto2u

        Oh, I wanted to ask you this as well Mrs. Kenya and you do not have to answer if you feel i am crossing a line here but I was wondering do you and your husband ever “participate” with the same sex?

  • NOLA Darling

    Black men are not so special that having “half” (or a third) of one is preferrable to having a “whole” one of another race. This article proves just how Jedi Mind Tricked Black women have become that they would consider sharing a Black man with another woman before they would consider dating outside of their race. While there maybe a shortage of  eligible Black men, there is no shortage of men in America. Frankly, I believe people should pursue marriage and relationships based on compatible values, interests, goals and experiences–things that aren’t predicated on skin color or cultural background.

  • Kayla

    I am in an open relationship and it works. People think that OM are excuses for promiscuity. That is a stereotype of open marriage which just isn’t true.  The difference between the successful and unsuccessful open marriages, comes down to communication, agreed-upon ground rules, and compatible values regarding sex. plenty of people value sex as an enjoyable activity without attaching added meaning to it……(i.e. one night stands). Traditionalists type people don’t understand how OM can be successful. I’d love to see an article written about the “dangers” of monogamous relationships- cheating, resentment, lack of freedom, boredom… the list goes on.

    • Shade

      OM as you abbreviated…why even agree with creating boundaries if it is not about promiscuity? The bottom line is that if sex is an activity such as a sport than why marry. That’s the question. Being married is that just an activity too? Why not proclaim to love that person and once your ready get married? Tell one another that once your done sampling you will marry.

      • Kayla

        Because it’s not just about sleeping with 30 people on a whim. And how many times woman have sex with it not meaning anything? If you sum up a value of a person based on who or how many people they have sex with then that’s a bad sign. There’s more to being married then who you have sex with…. At least I would hope so..

    • Is It 5:00 Yet?

      Open marriage is successful in you and your husband eyes, but in God’s eyes it is not because that is not his original purpose for marriage.

      There are other ways to keep a marriage spicy without violating the marriage bed.

    • Msmykimoto2u

      Like I told Kenya, which Im sure was the only person who “liked” your comment, just because you and your husband say its ok, does not change the fact that you are committing adultry. Its not a stereotype. “Open relationship” is something man made up to have your cake and eat it too. People are always trying to bend rules to accomodate themselves. Hell, if you get bored whip out some whips, chains, costumes, and chocolate syrup and tie each other up and go at it

  • Shade

    If society as a whole adopted such adolescent behavior where would our morale foundation lie….in the hands of our multiple “love” relationships. Being in a monogamous relationship is far more respectful and fulfilling than deciding which partner am I to bed with tonight. Religion aside. Obviously if you have either commitment issues and or just plain greedy, don’t marry. I was a young man once but at some point I grew up and stopped thinking about myself as the center of the Universe. Our Black Community deserves better than what you and others suggest could help or save a marriage. Why not call for personal responsibility and making sound judgments of your lifestyle path. Can we try that for once???

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      I think we may need to multiply love, so much better than taking it away… 

      • Shade

        You can love your friend/s let’s not mistaken the word love and interchange it with sex or self-indulgence. Love transcends. You are describing sex and self-indulgence.

        When I was a young man experiencing many women I knew my behavior was selfish but I figured if they know I have more than one woman, then I am not to blame if someone got hurt. I knew that, that too was flawed. Don’t try to fool yourself. Don’t call your behavior love. I wish you the best but you are going to realize someday what I preached to you was more valuable than promiscuity. Tell your husband its time to behave with dignity and respect. Be an example of strength and commitment for the lost ones in our community; not of poor values. Read your statistics again. Do you really believe this behavior and way of thinking will promote anything more than promiscuity? Come on get it together. I don’t mean financially either you too look as though you probably have considerable income.

        • PosterGirl

          Well…here’s the thing. Did you talk to these women about your having other partners? Like, say something along the lines of “So I wanted to let you know that I have a date with Kelly tomorrow night. How do you feel about that?” Or was it just “I’m seeing other women. Period point blank.” In other words, were you just sharing info, or did you really care about how they felt?  In our monogamous culture, if you’re dating someone more than a month, someone’s gonna think you’re exclusive, whether you’ve said so or not. And monogamous or not, those conversations *have* to take place for a relationship to work.

          Also,you’re right. Love does transcend. It’s entirely possible to have an open marriage without having sex outside of it. But including sex doesn’t make it self indulgent, any more than loving more than one person is.

          • Shade

            I didn’t give more details than what I thought I could get away with. Once time permitted I shared more. So my behavior was somewhat different but yielded the same results. When we begin stretching perceived boundaries we are still training our partners to accept being less than what he or she deserves. The truth is if I were single I would do it again. Not because of love because of self-indulgence. Look at the behavior for what it is. Its nothing short of getting whatever you want when you want.

            What about the lines of morality. What are you going to say when the neighborhood 40 year old pervert comes to marry your 10 year old child? He/she will give the same argument about love and openness. Call me crazy but are you going to be ok with that. Hell no you wont. There are plenty of flaws in society…the monogamous one as well. That’s why communication is so important. Let’s try not to confuse the real issue.

            • PosterGirl

              Are you defining self indulgent as selfish? If so, I think we may have separate definitions. Eating chocolate cake on a diet is self indulgent, but if I keep it from my spouse, that’s selfish. If he’s eating cake right along with me, is that still selfish? No, but I think it’s self indulgent. So then you have two self indulgent people who are very happy in each other’s indulgence. I honestly don’t think the latter is wrong–it’s selfishness that’s the problem, and to me, that’s what a lot of young men have a problem with. Not saying that being monogamous=selfish; but it seems odd that people would think that about open marriages.

              As far as stretching boundaries, I think it depends on what you and your partner agree on as the boundary. If you want to hang with your guy friends and she doesn’t want you to see them anymore, you have three choices: do as she asks, convince her otherwise (i.e. stretching her boundaries), or dump her. If you try to convince her otherwise, does that mean she’s less important than your friends? Not necessarily. Is it getting what you want when you want? It may be, if she agrees (and she has to really agree, not just “I’m gonna say this to make him happy”). Does that then make you wrong for doing it? I don’t think so, because if she truly agrees, you get what you want and she’s happy too.

              As far as the 40 year old perv going after my 10 year old, I’d tell him this. “Can my 10 year old truly understand what she’s getting into if she’sinvolved with you? I don’t think so–she barely knows what “consent” means. That means I can’t consent to her seeing you.” Grown adults have problems understanding their own relationships–there’s no way a child could deal with that. So to me, that’s a different topic.

               If one partner can’t understand what’s going on in a relationship, it shouldn’t happen. Like you said, communication is very important. To you, is communication the real issue, then? Because I totally agree.

              Like I said, open marriages aren’t for everyone. I have a soon-to-be-single guy friend who doesn’t think it’s right for him either. I don’t have a problem with that at all. In fact, I encourage his monogamy, and push him to talk to the lady he’s seeing now about his goals and desires for the relationship. I wish him all the luck in the world after his divorce becomes final–he deserves it. 

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          I haven’t mentioned sex for any of the 50 or more posts I’ve shared here, you all ahve… I do apologize for your oversight. 

      • Shade

        Alright Kenya I viewed your interview with Monique and that Turn on show…you and your husband represented yourselves well. I sensed some laws of attraction stuff there. I just would like you and your husband to take marriage out if your philosophy when it comes to being in an open relationship. Marriage should remain a union of a man and a woman. Not of men and women. Believe it or not part of your philosophy particularly the 4 roles are conservative. Drop the anything goes.

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          We’ve never stated that anything goes.  We just happen to be married and happen to have open our relationship.  I don’t know how we can take that apart.  Whats done is done and we love it… why can’t you simply not decide to open your marriage when you get married, why shut dow anyone who chooses it for themselves?  Are you the marriage police?  giggle… xoxo Just kiddin

          • SHADE

            Marriage police definitely not. The thing is exploring the idea of, “Should the Black Community consider open marriage? ” I am quite sure that I don’t have to review the statistics of failed marriages, single parenting, gangs, people in prison, HIV/AIDS, drugs, STD’s and a deterioration of values and morals in order to make the point, of what I believe would add to the problem, that adding such an unpredictable dynamic to an already troubled community would without question only exasperate the problem.

            Why is it so difficult for so many people to realize that rewriting the rules is not always the solution. When I commented, “anything goes. ” I was referring to your statement of, “rewriting the rules. ” Now an undeniable truth is some people are living in an open marriage. Some would even conclude they are happy and it works, but I would ask the question …when you get up in the morning, are you thinking about your spouse or about your next endeavor or as you might say the other whom you love? Me I think about my wife and kids. Every now and then about some female that intrigued me or I felt attraction for…but the ladder passes because I am happy and content. I no longer have the need or desire to explore because at the end of the day I married to be with her…not them.

            I would challenge you and your husband to no longer hold the view of open marriage as a viable solution to some married persons. Teach them personal responsibility and communication. I actually believe that you and your husbands rules in OM don’t include intercourse with someone else, you said you are all friends, not tothem get tooup personal but, I don’t believe you would teach your beautiful children what you are telling others to consider.

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  • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

    I appreciate your share!  I did not say it was for everyone.  Nor did I say it was a panacea to divorce or single motherhood.  

    • Shade

      You missed the point….of course you didn’t say its for everyone. Think outside the box. Imagine if society believed as you do. Imagine a piece of paper…Mr. and Mrs. agree to the following: Marriage is a union of all parties who wish to participate. If love is not announced between willing person/s than this contract of marriage is voided.

      I can elaborate but I think you get the point. You are a beautiful woman and if I was your husband would show you what its like to be loved cherished and respected. You would do the same with me.

      I am married and have been since 95′ I get upset discouraged and even disappointed but at the end of the day I look into her eyes and wouldn’t have it any other way. I have two beautiful girls and would never wish them to call their bad decisions love. I wish you and your husband sanity. Wait till the others want more than you will be divorced.

      • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

        Again, we do not believe in divorce.  We are best friends, soul mates, twin flames and sacred life partners for life.  We have already agreed to that kind of processing.  I wish you and your family much peace!  We both have different but useful and beautiful perspectives… xo

    • PosterGirl

      You’re right, that was the author. Or at least that’s what she hinted at. I apologize for the assumption.

    • LissaC

      Stevens, however, believes that jealousy is a childish emotion that should be chided
       
      I asked Stevens about what might happen if they counseled a couple where one partner desired to pursue an extramarital relationship and the other partner was resistant. I frankly asked, “Who wins? The “yes” or the no?” She told me that the “yes” partner must be patient and the “no” partner has to “go through a learning curve, and explore why they respond negatively.
       
      You say that is not for everyone but then you bash those don’t feel that way or state that the other partner is on a “learning curve”.
       
      I understand that this is how you and your husband feel, but why are you bashing anyone else for feeling different.
       
      I’m glad that it works for you, however when my husband tells me I’m his best friend, his only love interest, I couldn’t imaging having to share my man or him share me.
       
      As a woman I couldn’t imaging being in your shoes, I truly don’t want to be in your shoes. That is my choice like it is your choice.

  • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

    And that is exactly what I have done.  I have assessed this and made an informed choice.  I do not smoke weed, do drugs, even take aspirin.  I am of sound mind and I feel spirit connected.  I feel this is the right thing for me…    

  • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

    We have to ask ourselves why humans have gottento this state.  It wasn’t always this way.  Humans are the way we are due to the current mind set which states that there is NOT ENOUGH… Lack of love, lack of money, lack of time, lack of resources, lack of everything is what we fear and so we do the things that make other hurt.  This must change.  It’s all the same issue.  

    There is no lack of love, love is infinite.  But if the system itself that we must limit our love and go a lifetime this way, then we become cheaters adulteres and so forth instead of what is most natural – lovers of all people all the time.  

    I love everyone!

  • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

    I would never leave my best friend who is my husband.  I see no need to.  I simply rewrite the rules.  I did not write the original rules so why should I follow them?

    Open marriages are not the cure, again, learning to relate is the cure.  The first rule of relating is that we only attract who and what we are… then it’s understanding that the purpose of relationships is growth.

    I was willing to grow with my husband.  I don’t feel the need to contest him because I trust him… the third rule of relating.  Trust the Universe thus your partner… 

    In 1940 no one believe that it would EVER be legal to have interracial marriage.  In 1980 no one believe there would ever be legal gay marriage.  In 2011 no one believes that open marriages will be legal, but indeed the will… 

    I understand your concern and surprise.  But I am cut from a very different cloth.  I believe that I am smart enough to create my own way.

    • Shade

      Rewriting the rules….try not to be attached to your ego.

      Different cloth, yes I am aware. Fundamentally some of you’re expressions of trust and so forth make sense and are similar to mine. The problem isn’t the philosophy of love and growth its believing that stretching oneself in multiple directions is part of the process. How are you and your husband truly giving all to one another when you are giving all to another.

      • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

        All is infinite.  There is no lack.  There is enough love to share with every person on the planet.  We are spiritual beings.  We have infinite abundance, love, joy and goodness to share.  The more we give, the more we receive… more is made from use.

  • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

    Thank you for your prayers.  I appreciate your love and devotion to what is good.

  • PosterGirl

    So Dr. Carlyle has said she’s never seen it work in the real world. Hmm…the author of the article points out that Ruby Dee and Ossie Williams had an open relationship, but found that at the most fundamental level, they only wanted each other. I’m gonna point out here that that doesn’t mean that they necessarily  closed off their relationship–no doubt they put strict rules on what was permissible (maybe having your partner over while the spouse was away) and what was not (overnight stays, for instance).

    The reason I say this is because I’ve been involved with my husband for six years (officially married for two). We’ve had an open relationship since the beginning. It takes a ton of work–I agree with Dr. Carlyle about jealousy being an issue–but then again, doesn’t any marriage take work, regardless of what it looks like? Our situation forces us to talk about our issues and actually communicate with each other.We love each other and take our commitment seriously,believe it or not; for us, we acknowledge that one person cannot be the other’s everything. However,if one of us feels a potential partner is truly unsuitable, we can tell the spouse that we don’t want them seeing someone (we’ve done that more than once and explained the reason why, and we’ve always respected each other’s wishes when it happens).

     I’m certainly not going to say it’s for everyone, the way Stevens does, and I certainly don’t share her idea that it’s a panacea to divorce and single motherhood, but I do know that it *can* work.

  • MissBloggerville

    Whatever two grown people want to do with their lives is up to them.  Open marriages is for some, not everyone.  I have to wonder about the people who are so upset by this, though.  Why all the close-mindedness about (apparently-since you don’t agree) OTHER peoples preferences?  Are some of you mad because if open marriages become de rigueur your husband will want to join the masses?  I’ve always wondered why people who are secure in their marriages are so shaken by outside stimulus?  LOL

    • Elegance

      It upsets those of us (usually women) who want to be married and have relations with only one person, but we keep hearing men (and some women) advocating this. Dirty dog men are trying to convince women to accept this when it is not what they want. They are trying to get women to accept men’s cheating as an alternative lifestyle! That’s why we are upset. It’s telling women who don’t want open marriages that they are somehow backwards, childish, or selfish for wanting it! I’m not married yet and I don’t want to have an open marriage ever. Traditional men seem more attractive whenever I hear this stuff. 

      • MissBloggerville

        If you are not married, then why are you even responding?  Marriage is not easy, some women will do what it takes to keep the marriage strong.  You would NOT do this, other women WOULD.  Why the harsh judgement for something that doesn’t affect you personally?

        This article isn’t telling anyone to do anything.  It is an opinion.  I am surprised that you can’t handle an opinion on the internet.  This is not your mother telling you to adapt to this lifestyle, it is simply an article.  RELAX

    • Shade

      You can’t quantify that statement. We live in a free society and if we wish to be involved with someone in this way its our choice. People like me who disagree are only giving our opinion and thoughts. Most understand that we are not going to change that persons mindset; however, what if that behavior is much deeper than what is at the surface of that person?

      • MissBloggerville

        Ok.  I need to go on record stating that I am NOT in an open relationship.  I am in a monogamous relationship for 10 years.  However, I am not against what other women feel is necessary to keep their relationships “working”.  I once heard of a woman who went to swingers clubs with her husband (someone my sister knows).  Neither seemed insecure, both were attractive and decent earners fanancially.  That is just what they were into.  I don’t agree with swingers, but if it worked for THEM, who am I to judge?  This was several years ago, and they are still together.  My point was that if people are so secure in their relationships, then WHY the negativity towards alternative lifestyles?  We all can agree to disagree.  Alternative lifestyles don’t threaten me, I’m just wondering why it threatens others.

  • Babygirl18-8-8

    how much worse can we get, how much lower can our morals go, the people who endorse open marriages are on their way to hell & so are those who follow the. If you want to have love feels or sexual encounters why should you bother getting married. Why can’t we accept what the bible says & be obedient to it & stop misleading the youths. Marriage is about being committed to your spouse & sharing yourself intimately with just that special person, not about committing to 100 other people and sharing yourself with 100 other partners, that is promiscuity & degrading to us all ewww

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      I thought I read at one time that casting judgement was a sin as well?  Hmmmmmm

      Luke 12:57 (NIV) “Why don’t you judge for yourselves what is right?”
      John 7:24 (Phi) “You must not judge by the appearance of things but by the reality!”

      John 7:24 (NIV) “Stop judging by mere appearances, and make a right judgment.”
      1 Cor 5:12-6:6 (Phi) Those outside the church it is not my business to judge.

      one more

      Mat 7:1-2 (Phi) “Don’t criticize people, and you will not be
      criticized. For you will be judged by the way you criticize others, and
      the measure you give will be the measure you receive.”

      But maybe I am misinterpreting… ?

      • OSHH

        Lucifer quotes scripture too is very “religious” and, knows the bible through and through. Assessing whether or not something is Right for you, testing the spirit behind things, and seeking God, is wise and prudent. Matter fact it’s very necessary in this day and age.

    • Kayla

      no such place as a fiery torment.

  • F3ral Anarchy

    sister wives anyone?!  lol

  • YeahRight2011

    Did Sharahzad Ali put you guys up to this? 

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      Who is that?

      • YeahRight2011

        Sarcasm love. She wrote the Black Man’s Guide to Understanding the Black Women in the 80’s. She was an advocate of men-sharing for Black Women.

  • Jessica

    I’m in an open relationship now. and it works just fine. People are just too quick to judge

  • http://twitter.com/CurlyDoc8 Curly Doc 8

    Ok I for one am tired of reading Kenya whoever comments. I would hand you my business card but I’m afraid you might use it in 10 years when your husband leaves you, you have an incurable STI, and babies from several different men. Never have I ever witnessed this lack of regard for the SANCTITY of marriage and low self-esteem. I need to give ALL my degrees back, because this was not in any textbook I have read.

    Everyone else…this will end up on television and once again the Black community will be shamed as usual because people like this don’t see the problem with engaging in such behavior. Every culture has their issues but ours is always front and center. From this she has probably gained more twitter followers and attention then she should.

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      No worries.  I will write the text book.  xxoo

  • Ebonydiva82

    PLEASE PLEASE PLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSEEEE don’t make this into a Black thing! Many black couples are already IN open relationships, even if it is not mutually agreed upon. Look where it’s gotten us: single parent families and a slew of STDs/I’s. NOTHING good comes from having an open relationship. If ANYthing, it should be an INDIVIDUAL couple decision. Why the HELL would any married couple want to have an open relationship in the first place? If you get tired of the same old organ, DON’T GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE! Oh, and I’ve been happily married for more than 5 years now…

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      I actually didn’t make it a black thing, the author of this post did.  I do not suggest open relating as a cure for the Black community.  I do apologize that it was framed in that manner.  I do, however, suggest “Learning to Relate” as a cure.  That is important.  Learning to be authentic and not fearful of telling the truth at all times… sound good?  xxoo

  • bobster

    should white/ asian couples consider it too?

  • 7truthbetold

     I heard of monkey see monkey do but this is ridiculous.   I have seen flocks of birds moving in unison as they fly by, I’ve seen fish in the ocean millions of them on nature programs, all moving as one turning and spinning. But, if you didn’t know, all people are different, even if they are of the same race. What one man or woman does, does not mean, the rest of the population is open to the same thing. It’s your thing do what you want to do. Like the song says, I can’t tell you who to socket it to, and I don’t need your  nonsense. If you choose to do any and everything that somebody else does, then just don’t have no will of your own.

  • Jen

    what is the point in saying ” I do” to one person if you are not going to be exclusive? You are wasting your significant other’s time and yours. That is the premise of being married, to become one with one person! If you want to be with others, don’t get married.  The term “open marriage” is an oxymoron-how are you open to others when you are (supposed to be) committed to one? 

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      We were exclusive… even as we did not say I do.  We did not use traditional vows… but anyhoo.  We were exclusive for 13 years.  It was fun!  Then we changed. 

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  • ElvisWasAHero2Most

    An open marriage is cool, but it’s contradictory to what marriage is.  Isn’t marriage about pledging yourself to another?  What we need to realize is marriage was an institution created eons ago, back when the average life span was 40 years and strippers didn’t exist.  Today, people live for nearly a century, could you imagine spending nearly a century with someone?? Not to mention, the internet, which can give you GPS location of the nearest covert booty call.  AND lets not forget those triffling phone applications that make creepin that much easier.

    Why can’t you just be with someone without being married?  That way, you can be in an open relationship…  an open marriage is too problematic. 

    • Darkman

      I agree with you!!! I don’t mind they call it an open relationship. A marriage is a legal and/or religious contract. Therefore, you have rules, commitments. When someone cheats, s/he breaks the rules,  but, as soon as the marriage is open, all rules or commitments  are gone, your marriage is over. At any time, the other part can got a divorce at your own expense…

      If you’re in an open marriage, will you have kids with your other partners? I can imagine the trouble: a woman having 5 kids with differents men, while her “husband” having the same with 5 other women… What will be the last name of the women’s kids?

  • Asantewaaspeaks

    Who the hell has time for an open marriage?  My husband and I are trying to raise a family, cultivate a happy marriage, maintain loving relationships with relatives and friends and excel at our careers and business ventures.  The beauty of being married is that your major source of support is right there by your side and that you no longer have to devote time to finding sexual partners and confidants.  This is silly!

  • Mims_kimberly

    Im reading comments on the open relationships …im tripp’n cause i havent seen one thing…talkin bout protection..all tha love and openess dont stop STDs..U can have that much love & respect for your partner..but u willing to share body fluids and take a chance of havin…a child with a cut buddy..where tha hell was tha respect…love…then u have to pill poppn open relationship parent who livin wit that die slow..smdh…its just to much goin on..oh well carry on…lol

    • Xgirl

      I was thinking that same thing, birth control pills dont stop STDs. Also if you have multiple partners, obviously those partners have other partners too, even if your partners are free of STDs, are all of their partners STD free too? Just think how many people would get infected if just one person had an STD!

      • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

        I’ve never taken a birth control pill in my entire life.  I married at age 21.  I am a vegetarian.  I don’t do pills of any kind.  My health comes from having a healthy outlook on life!

      • Walkie74

        To you and Mims_Kimberly: I protect myself with each and every partner that I have (and there are only three at the moment) . If a man is interested but wants to go without protection, I insist on seeing some test results, or that’s the end of that–I don’t see him again. To date, I have yet to have a problem–the ones who stay know I value my well being and my spouse’s above anything else. My husband (who has two) does the same. I am definitely not having children, not with my husband or anybody else, and we both plan on not bringing back something from someone else. Yes, you take a chance when you get with someone, but think about it–single people practice serial monogamy all the time, except for the ones who stay sexually innocent (not just virgins) till marriage. If they can protect themselves, so can I.

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      I guess I could never really envision life that way.  I am a positive person.  I know that good things happen to me.  I deserve good things.  I use protection and I am universally protected. 

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  • NITA

    Please stop with these foolishness, why even ask silly questions like this.  If folks, be it white, black or whomever, wants to obliged in open marriage then thats on them and they will have to answer to GOD for taking away the true meaning of marriage. When you are married, you and your spouse are ONE! Its a COVENANT, a UNION (between 1 male and 1 female) presented in front of GOD, so why even get married if its going to be OPEN? Boy the day of judgement will not be a JOKE as people continue to miscontrue Gods words and plans.!!!!!

    • OSHH

      You ain’t neva lied. I know I want to be in the RIGHT number.

  • Keyastt26

    Thats gross you have no idea what other people have Im not sharing my man with nobody! I mean why even get married?

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      I don’t happen to think other human beings or myself are gross.  I think we are sacred works of art, beautiful in every way…

  • Mims_kimberly

    Its a difference between loving tha 1 ur with & lovin the company u keep…me personally dnt give a damn..what 2 adultz want 2 do..i knw me…its just too many selfish,trifflin,sex addicted,reckless aHoles floatin around..ppl claim safe sex…but come on..numbers don’t lie..but pple do..there always rules to this mating game we play..but when claim relationship”monogamous”..& ur kissn lickn suckin on some other person purely because of physical attraction…that aint luv thats lustin& strictly fkn..wit no strings attached…but to the Author…love peace & blessings 2 you

  • Darkman

    I love what the doctor said about fathering a  kid with the other guy: who will be the father? She added: “they can come to me for therapy after they’ve given away their bodies along with their marriages”.

    I understand people wanted to experiment  different things because they can’t resist temptation. But trying to conceptualize it is an illusion. Conceptualize cheating make it more acceptable only for you. Trying to make it more acceptable by saying there are only 4 mammals monogamists, is a weak argument. It remind me someone trying to justify incest and pedophilia by saying that it is very common to animals species… Yes, you can say rape is very common too, between animals… But we are humans, the most advanced animals and we are trying to do elevated things with our brains, not keeping our crotches on fire.

    What is the purpose of being married if you share the deepest and most intimate moments of your life with strangers? When these moments are shared, there is nothing left in the marriage, just a piece a shredded contract and a blank divorce form. 

    A woman’s body his her temple and her husband is the assigned pastor. She has the power of giving life, she is the center of the human organization.

    If your “other half” comes to you with this kind of brilliant idea, run. A cheater is preferrable, he/she’s not adding insult to injury…

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      I liked the father question too.  My men get along with one another.  The good doctor has probably never experienced it.  If I got pregnant with one of my other men’s baby, we’d make a beautiful family.  The child would have two fathers, that’s more than most in the Af Am community who do not even have one…

      • Elegance

        And what if “your men” stop getting along? What if someone has a baby and wants sole custody? What if the courts deem you an unfit parent because of your lifestyle? You write comments as though just because you may be stable and secure, your partners always will be. I’m single, and I don’t even have sex with more than one partner at a time…why do you need sex with so many people? Why do these love relationships need to be sexual at all? Love and have friends with whomever you want but what does that have to do with sex? 

        • PosterGirl

          …don’t monogamous couples have this problem too? A breakup or divorce happens, a custody fight ensues, somebody tries to get someone else declared unfit…polyamorous or monogamous, people can do each other dirty sometimes, and they’ll use any excuse for it. I do agree with your point about love. To me, you can have an open marriage and not be sexual with anyone; sometimes, all  you need is a bowl of popcorn, and someone to cuddle with while you watch a chick flick/action film/the latest installment of “Saw”. That happens in my relationship too.

      • DARKMAN

        I hope you’ll know which lover is the father… You can still go to Maury….

        Anyway, as you said it’s not for everybody, and a majority of comments agree indirectly. What you do is your business, but DON’T CALL IT MARRIAGE,  A marriage is a legal contract between 2 people with established rules for a clear purpose. It’s like your standard job or your cellphone contract. So, it can’t be open or even ajar: any breach nullify it.

        So call it OPEN RELATIONSHIP and I’ll be fine with you. When you call it open marriage, it’s like redefining the rules by yourself and whoever follow this way. It’s like telling people “yes” means “no” or “car”… Unless you are able to pass a law to change the terms of a legal marriage like gay people did, you’ll lose your case.

        Good luck with you openess, It’s just an upgrade of  FRIENDS WITH BENEFIT. If I wasn’t married, I’ll love to be in multiple open relationships: NO STRING ATTACHED! I eat my cake and have it….

  • http://www.facebook.com/petal.b.ramsey Petal Blackman Ramsey

    hmmm…

  • http://www.facebook.com/petal.b.ramsey Petal Blackman Ramsey

    hmmm…

  • Lese

    Different strokes for different folks, but if you’re going to do all that, why not be in an open RELATIONSHIP. Marriage is a SACRED, bond and oath that you make between you, your spouse and GOD. And religion can play a MAJOR part in marriage. That’s the foundation of a marriage, your faith in God. Yes we all have feelings and are attracted to others, that’s just human nature, but to give yourself, mentally, physically or spiritually to other people including your spouse is just wrong. If you’re going to lay down with other men and he lay down with other women, WHY GET MARRIED??? Like I said, different strokes for different folks, but I just think, times are changing, but WE are the ones that are messing things up. I’m just wondering, do you have all your sexual partners medical records? Do you talk to them about how many people they have slept with? And how can your husband feel at all special or feel like he’s your one and only, if you’re being totally open (not just sexually) but mentally, sharing your intimate thoughts and feelings that one only shares with their spouse?  They’re called your spouse for a reason. I just don’t understand….

  • Smokie_001

    I am curious, Kenya, are same sex partners involved? How do you feel about that component?

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      I am not bi-sexual and nor is my husband.  But I feel that would be fine for those who subscribe to it.  Do you?

  • Mama_MoeMoe

    Why even get married then if you feel that although I “love” my husband, I can still have feelings for another man. That’s outrageous!! Marriage is between two…that’s how its always worked. You never heard of Adam, Eve, and Gloria have you? Or how about Romeo, Juliet, and a chambermaid every now and then. I can’t phantom the idea of people going along with such openness and ruining relationships, because essentially in the end that’s what you are doing. Don’t get married, and try an open relationship. Maybe that is better, but to destroy the very foundations of which I and many people are raised, is blasphemous. I am no religious person, but I do believe there are some things that should not be changed and marriage is one.

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      The texts you mention, including the Bible are all less than 5,000 years old.  HUmans have been on Earth for 200,000 years.  You should check the book Sex At Dawn to know that humans did not ever practice monogamy until one could own property.  Once one could own property, one had to also own a woman (wife) it’s still in the constitution that a man owns his wife.  But these are very young laws – just 5% of history have humans attempted to practice monogamy and it’s mostly for economic reasons at this point…

      I make my own rules, and create my own principles.  Not based on a book.  I think we’re all smart enough to do that.  Do you?

      • Mama_MoeMoe

        I think your trying to justify your actions by pointing out that only 5% of humans attempt monogamy. Where is your proof?? I can’t knock what you and your husband do because at the end of the day, it’s your marriage. But in my eyes, you cannot be in love with more than one person. When was the last time you heard someone mention soul mates, as in having more than one exist in a lifetime. When does that actually happen? Marriage is a union between two souls before god, or whomever you choose to believe in. If you cannot be with one soul because you lust after someone else, then maybe you should rethink the basis of a marriage. And to invite others into what you share with your husband is wrong. No human should come between another man and his wife. If that be the case, then maybe we should just be like the animals, get rid of marriage and just procreate with whomever, whenever we please.

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          I did not say 5% of humans, I said Monogamy has been in practice for just 5% of human history… The proof is easy and I gave the books to find the research studies, they are anthropological in nature.  One is Sex At Dawn.  If you can’t be in love with more than one person, what happens when you fall in love with all of your children, or with two men or women at the same time.  It happens all of the time.  Read Shaquele Oneal book.  (spelling is wrong oh weel) 

          My husband is my soul mate, and so are many people.  I have sooooooo many soul mates, men and women, my friends!  Beyond that I feel that all of us are actually ONE.  So that makes all of you my soul mates.  xxoo

  • http://twitter.com/urbansista TheAccidentalNatural

    Lord have mercy — we are trying to make nonsense into sense. As far as I’m concerned, open marriage is madness. Marriage is a commitment between two people ho love, honour and respect. I don’t know how I’m honouring and respecting my husband by having sex with another man.

    Like the majority of commentators said, why get married if you want to have relationships outside of the marriage? The Black community has enough on its plate — making open marriage sound like a solution to relationship ills is bare ignorance. 

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      I got married because I fell in love.  My husband is my best friend.  I will always always love him.  He will always protect and serve me.  We have been that way for 16 years now.

  • christie

    A lot of people seem opposed to the idea of open marriage but I feel that it is worth thinking about. Many people who are against this have open marriages anyways! Think about how many people have had their spouses cheat on them over and over again and they take them back. Maybe monogomy is unrealistic.

  • Elegance

    I think my head is going to explode! Her husband falls in love with someone else, basically saying she’s not enough for him anymore. Then he waits around for her to like someone else and encourages his WIFE to share her body with another man!!? That’s how much he cares about you, he was willing to risk you getting pregnant, and STD or falling in love and leaving him! He convinced you to let him cheat…moronic! 

    A duh most animals are not monogamous! They don’t talk, write, have civilizations, or institutions like MARRIAGE. They are animals! They don’t think the way we do, they don’t get jealous when their mating partners go with someone else because they are only together for procreation. There are only a few species who even have sex for pleasure!!! Often they only have to raise children for a few months or years and then they do’t even need a partner for parenting because the offspring is an adult! They are too different to even compare. Yeah they act like it will be easy dealing with getting pregnant, yeah right! It will drain their financial resources and bring in jealousy and drama. 

    Another stupid idea for the Black community that just tries to legitimize Black men wanting to have harems of women. They just convince a woman to have an open relationship and shut up about his cheating, Jealousy is childish…an effective way to shame a woman out of her understandable feelings. Just wait until he leaves her and she will be changing her tune. I and many other Black women are worth more than that!

    • Nkosazana

      Yes that is what is going to happen. He’s going to find a pretty young thing. Willing to have his babies and all that. Leave her for the new woman and what’s Kenya stuck with? None of her lovers will want to have a serious relationship with her since gets around. It’s fine to nail her when they are the other men but do they want to be the cuckold husband?

  • Choclitcandeegirl

    Sorry gotta call bullsh*t on this. Her husband told her he wanted to pursue another chick at work…why? Because A) he didn’t want feel guilty by sneaking around; B) he was hoping she’d bounce. It was no big deal to him when she found someone else because he could do his dirt in the open. She (out of hurt and anger) found someone to play with AFTER 2 years of knowing he wanted to be with someone else-I don’t think for a second that he WAITED for her to find someone before he started screwing the chick from work.

    • Choclitcandeegirl

      So not to lose her “king” she gave in. Let him have extramarital relationships so I can still say we’re married. I will do it too do I will have someone to go to when he’s not with me. And now they have marketed this BS for profit, noteriety, whatever.

    • Nkosazana

      Yeah. I think these two people weren’t really marriage people at all. Probably been cheating for years now they only made it open. And thinking about bringing in a child in this mess? That is almost child abuse.

      • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

        I think unhappy people and divorce is more like child abuse.  We are happy people and we enjoy life.  xoxo

  • F3ral Anarchy

    yea….thats real smart…i can see it now…”tonite on the news african american rate of new stds cases skyrocket amidst growing popularity of open marraige”   smh….why in the hell do we have to display such ignorance in public sometimes?!

  • Guess

    What a great article to post on WORLD AIDS DAY!

  • Lilharriet33

    If you read the book the Negro Family in the United States many free blacks after emancipation acted on sporadic sexual impulses which caused the further demise of the Black Family. The “master” wasn’t around to control the slaves sexual impulses and to stabilize marriage unions. As a Christian the marriage is spoken in the singular tense. Yes King Solomon had many wives but he was able to provide for them. Abram-name changed to Abraham only took Hagar for his wife because Sarah was not reproducing. Those that promote polygamy it’s usually the men are not in a position to take care of more than one wife. Most brothas because of societal oppressions can’t take care of themselves. They are depended on the Black Woman. 
    Bottom line. I am not sharing my husband with anyone. I couldn’t imagine openly knowing my husband mounting or sexually satisfying another woman the way he does me while we are together.
    I think Kenya’s husband wanted to have his cake and eat it so she decided to ablige him but I think she does a great disservice to the black community by suggestion open marriage which will cause more chaos to the situations we are experiencing already such as high HIV rates, happy marriages, and out of wedlock births. I truly stand by the belief that GOD made Eve for Adam. He didn’t pull two women from his rib. So please Kenya find another societal issue in the black community to focus on. I am currently working on a documentary on the high percentage of single parenthood in the black community. Your campaign contributes to this!

  • Elle

    As a married women of 28 coming into my sexual prime, I do find that I do desire to be with other men . I have been married for 4 years and I have yet to step outside of my marriage, but I do think about VERY often. Sure I remember the vows I took, however how do I suppress feelings caused by nature. Everyone knows that a women reaches her sexual prime in her late twenties early thirties, the same prime the our husbands experience at earlier age. I’m s ure the men remember when the couldn’t get enough partners to satisfy their appetites, so what does a woman like me and so many others do. Many of us can’t understand why after a few years of marriage, we don’t want to have sex with our husbands anymore. It’s not because we don’t love them , but because we are experiancing things that our society, black and white, don’t educate women about prior to marriage. We are brainwashed into believing that men are dogs and we are good, when in fact we are all cut from the same cloth. What gives! I’m just searching for answers myself and have been an openmineded about the things I read. People don’t be so quick to judge other people’s marriages and how the choose to alter them.

    • OSHH

      Actually its her mid to late 30’s early 40’s.

    • Guest

      My parents told me the truth about marriage.  Its not all fun, games and endless bliss.  Knowing what to realistically expect is key to avoiding disappointment.  It takes a lot of work and you have to suppress your desires.  Getting married doesn’t make you stop wanting other people.  That’s where commitment comes in.  You have to put your marriage and your spouse ahead of your own desires.

      • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

        Or you can simply re write the rules.  We didn’t write them in the first place… giggle xo

        • PosterGirl

          I will say, however, that I don’t think that precludes putting your marriage and spouse ahead of your own desires. I think you have to talk to them about what you want, much like Kenya’s husband did with her and vice versa, and my husband and I did with each other. *Because* we put each other first, we realized we wanted the same thing. And we realized that we had to set some ground rules in order to keep from hurting each other, just like with any marriage. Some wives want to know the passwords to their husband’s emails; I want to know who his partners are and/or might be.

  • sofi

    oh boy! this is what is becoming of the black community huh… men don’t want to be faithful, they don’t want to commit….so give them the option of an open marriage!! that’ll sure boost the black marriage rates! so now the white folks will stop looking at us bad!!

    You know.. God orders abstinence marriage and monogamy for a reason. Bonds are made, hearts feel secure, DISEASES aren’t spread, families are built & children are sheltered. whoever is spreading this bullcrap idea…you have no idea what you’re doing to our community. you should feel ashamed. 

    • OSHH

      ITA!

  • LotusLeader

    Marriage is a contract between two families in the rest of world. 

    Men are excepted to seek sex and romance outside of marriage and women are excepted to raise the child and support the family, period.

  • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

    One important thing here is that you must notice the author introduced the psychiatrist as the expert and me simply as a co-founder.  I too an a psychologist and a graduate of Howard University.  My husband has two degrees and is a master from Howard.  Not that it makes my points about open relating valid to any of you, but that we give fairness in our framing of the guests in the post.  

    The author mentions that the psychiatrist has written 16 books.  My husband and i have written 14 books and 400 articles done 189 national radio spots and 8 national tv appearances.  We don’t sell any books about open relating and make no money from that particular aspect.  We coach monogamous couples and teach a class called “master Monogamy” online.  So here again, we have to really look at the writing.  Journalism is at it’s best when we at least introduce all parties in the same manner and tells all relevant facts, not just the sensational ones… 

    I am delighted to share here and will answer any questions at all.  I want clear understandings to be reached.  I want you to be free with your words.  

    Thanks

    Kk

    • In All Honesty

      Damn, you’re fine. Sheesh! Intelligent and beautiful. I think your perspective is helpful because it’s another option for Black marriages.You honestly make more sense than Banks to me, not that it’s a contest. Everybody’s all throwing out ideas. That’s not to say that I’m crazy about open marriages but your warming me up to it. It would solve a lot of problems especially in the Black Community. I’ll be looking for your books. 

      • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

        Thank you.  I hope you did see our site jujumama dot com.  I wrote an article today that I think you will love, it’s about men and jealousy.  jujumama blog dot com.  Come on over love.  xxoo

      • PosterGirl

        If you’re going to seriously think about doing it, pay attention to the comments that have been made. As you’ve seen, there are plenty of black women (and some men) who are *not* gonna be cool with this. You’re going to have to be really, really REAL about who you are and what you want, and be willing to let your woman do the same. And if that means she wants to see someone else too, you *have* to be fair–or think more about the whole thing. This takes work and a lot of thought–look before you leap!

    • http://twitter.com/MyUrbanRomance tristan

      first, i would be careful about considering any of this “journalism”. most of what you find on these glorified blogs is short-sighted opinon pieces. i would love to interview you and your husband for a piece i’m working on about non-traditional marriage. is there some way i can contact you directly?

  • Kashbmaryd

    i think the point of marriage is utter commitment. To me, introducing an “open” marriage is like these students who pay people to take their tests for them: IT’S STILL CHEATING. You people need to quit trying to find an easy way out. Next, you’ll be saying you need someone else to raise your kids because one of your “open” partners is the father. Cut this kind of crap out and grow up. And so what if Ossie Davis had an open marriage? He took the devil’s bait; you don’t have to.

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      If as we believe – humans are monogamous – then who would be trying to find a way out?  Marriage should never feel like “I want to get out”  We don’t even believe in divorce…   We’re trying to find a way in… a way back into who we really are… a way to embrace what we are and tell the truth.  I see no harm in it.  We are grown, 37 and 42, and we love that we can tell the truth and have a real authentic relationship.  

      • Guest

        By extension of that logic then no human should ever want to steal, lie, cheat or kill.  We all have desires to do things that are wrong.  We also don’t always like doing things that are necessary like getting up early to go to work.

  • Ms_Sunshine9898

    Why the hell should you be in a marriage if it’s gonna be open?! If you want it like that you might as well stay in a regular relationship!

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      My husband and I married 16 years ago and were never considering an open marriage until year 11.  Even at that time we had to think about it two years and opened at year 13.  This has not been a fly by night choice.  This has come with deep thought.  Are you yet married?

      Thanks for your question… xo 

      • Ms_Sunshine9898

        I’m sorry but I do not have be married to understand that marriage is between two people: a man is a woman. With all due respect ma’am, it is an insult to the idea of marriage to suggest that you be allowed to explore other love options outside of that marriage to maintain a healthy marriage. When you have a strong enough love, you shouldn’t have to explore outside of your marriage for more love because there should be enough love within that marriage to be more than sustainable. To seek outside of that marriage is to suggest that you are searching for something that is not there in that marriage that you need fulfillment in. I don’t have to be a therapist or world class psychiatrist to know that even the most self aware and realistic person is still driven by human nature. When you voluntarily allow someone to come between the bond that is between a man and his wife, you open Pandora’s Box for human nature not matter how self aware you are to eventually express themselves.

        • Guest

          Affairs begin when a need or desire is not being met at
          home, and while I commend him for expressing the desire to be with
          someone else, the fact that you found something outside of your marriage
          as well speaks testament to the fact that somewhere along the way,
          needs were not being met from both aspects. It’s human nature to be
          attracted to someone other than your significant other, but a desire to
          act and an attraction are two different things. To ok relationships
          outside of your marriage is to take the guilt and shame away that would
          come with it, and allow you to find passion in mutually finding “love”
          and “desire” outside of your marriage while you remain married to one
          another while maintaining a friendship and mutual friendly love yet,
          lacking that passion that sustains a marriage from finding “love”
          outside of it. The “love” you’re finding outside of your marriage is
          quite simply lust “or the passionate and perhaps sexual desire” for
          another person. Love is more than the physical. Can you honestly say
          that these other people you “love” are fulfilling all your emotional and
          spiritual needs outside of passionate “love”? If they were, what good
          would it be to still be married to your husband? Furthermore, it is as
          if to say I seek this person’s this and for that person he/she fulfills
          that, and so and so gives me this. Your argument for the ironic paradox
          of an open marriage collapses upon itself and is quite simply an excuse
          not to face the facts as well as find some good good from time to time.
          *shrug* That’s human nature. Not enlightenment. As for your marriage, I
          can only comment on the information above and make my opinion and
          interpretation from there. Whatever flows your boat I guess, but you
          repeated responses of the same thing only reflects that you are not as
          self aware as you would so readily believe. . .

          • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

            Can you honestly say
            that these other people you “love” are fulfilling all your emotional and
            spiritual needs outside of passionate “love”? If they were, what good
            would it be to still be married to your husband?

            Awesome question… and precisely my point

            My husband and I do not believe that one person on the planet was ever meant to fulfill all our needs.  We enjoy spreading the fulfillment equation around so that there is never that pressure on either of us to be a person’s everything. 

            Hope that helps!

            Kk

            • NikkitaMichelle

              God should be your everything. 

              • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

                God comes through all of us.  The light of love lives in each of our hearts… so in a sense I enjoy the God that lives in all… xxoo

            • Ms_Sunshine9898

              And again you have proven my point. To say that “My husband and I do not believe that one person on the planet was ever
              meant to fulfill all our needs.  We enjoy spreading the fulfillment
              equation around so that there is never that pressure on either of us to
              be a person’s everything.” defeats your purpose of being married as in marriage, that one other person in your marriage is supposed to fulfill your everything. The Black community has drama because of “open” relationships that aren’t even in marriage, hince realistically the plethora of unwed mothers and incessant drama in the black community . We need to focus on getting our people married first before we can focus on opening relationships in a free love. . .

              • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

                I know that is the concept of marriage, but is it working?  Is it feasible for us loving human beings?  You know how much love we need on a regular basis… giiiiirrrrlllll…. xxoo

                The black community is in trauma around relationships because we do not know how to relate.  This is the issue my husband and I solved in our first books long ago… those who read us have been healed and now know how to relate… check us out anytime, videos and articles all over the web.  jujumama dot com

                • Ms_Sunshine9898

                  So to make a commitment work, a couple should go outside their marriage to find the things that are missing from that marriage? Again if you are not finding everything you’re looking for in your marriage, then it’s probably best to leave that marriage and continue relationships as single individual. The black community is traumatized due to lack of trust, understanding, and responsibility. Having open marriages and relationships allows for human nature to show it’s ugly head and sooner or later that ugly “childish” emotion called jealously will eventually make an appearance. It’s foolish to believe that finding love in multiple places eventually won’t spark some for of reaction that can become both dangerous and deadly at some point. Love has been known to cause wars, death, and despair. Sooner or later you may just find yourself running into a “love” who is not as self aware about their emotions and feelings as you claim to be about yours. You are in denial if you truly believe that at some point your polygamy will not have a toll. If polygamy and polyamorous were meant to be ok, it would be way more common and less drama between people of multiple relationships. . .

      • Ms_Sunshine9898

        Affairs begin when a need or desire is not being met at
        home, and while I commend him for expressing the desire to be with
        someone else, the fact that you found something outside of your marriage
        as well speaks testament to the fact that somewhere along the way,
        needs were not being met from both aspects. It’s human nature to be
        attracted to someone other than your significant other, but a desire to
        act and an attraction are two different things. To ok relationships
        outside of your marriage is to take the guilt and shame away that would
        come with it, and allow you to find passion in mutually finding “love”
        and “desire” outside of your marriage while you remain married to one
        another while maintaining a friendship and mutual friendly love yet,
        lacking that passion that sustains a marriage from finding “love”
        outside of it. The “love” you’re finding outside of your marriage is
        quite simply lust “or the passionate and perhaps sexual desire” for
        another person. Love is more than the physical. Can you honestly say
        that these other people you “love” are fulfilling all your emotional and
        spiritual needs outside of passionate “love”? If they were, what good
        would it be to still be married to your husband? Furthermore, it is as
        if to say I seek this person’s this and for that person he/she fulfills
        that, and so and so gives me this. Your argument for the ironic paradox
        of an open marriage collapses upon itself and is quite simply an excuse
        not to face the facts as well as find some good good from time to time.
        *shrug* That’s human nature. Not enlightenment. As for your marriage, I
        can only comment on the information above and make my opinion and
        interpretation from there. Whatever flows your boat I guess, but you
        repeated responses of the same thing only reflects that you are not as
        self aware as you would so readily believe. . .

  • Nkosazana

    I’ve been together with my husband for almost 10 years and married 5. I’m not going to go into detail but our sex life is better than when we first met. We take time for each other and go on vacations just him and me. No kids at all.

    Open marriage is deficiently not for me and is part of the reason marriage is declining. But people can do as they want, but I predict a divorce in the future especially when there comes a child of another man into the picture (Which I don’t get why a woman would want to carry if she really loved him, I wouldn’t want another mans child)

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      Kudos on your relationship!  Again, we don’t ask that anyone open who does not want to.  But with 66% of those married having adulterous affairs, we simply ask this?  Can we tell the truth?  And yes, we can.  We are giving a model for telling the truth.  That is all.  If one is not desiring others, then everything is fine, correct?

      Love to you

      Kk

      PS.  I love children and welcome any child.  xx

  • Jessica

    Well I have an open marriage and it’s working just fine with me and my husband. Granted It’s not for everyone so i won’t push it for everyone. But for some people it works. I just wish some people would be a bit more open minded. In this day and age we are redefining what marriage is. Gays can be married interracial people can be married and you can have an open marriage to. 

  • http://twitter.com/kekesmith8 keke smith

    I don’t see why an open marriage won’t work. But of course it isn’t for everybody.  Won’t work unless all these single black woman get a man to marry them first.  I had an open relationship once. and it worked out great. but that is the old me. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/shaecim Sharon Ecim

    how many of you commentators have been married ten years?  lust wanes.  love and lust are not always aligned however lust is IMPORTANT.  lust makes you feel alive.  why should we have to throw away our relationship of ten, twenty years because we just can no longer muster the passion for the same old same old

    you preachy people make me uneasy.  judge not lest ye be judged yo.

    • Christelyn

      *Raises hand* Ten-year anniversary coming April 2012. BTW, it’s NOT an open marriage.

      • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

        Are you saying that the passion is the same as in the beginning?  And are you saying you would be opposed to a mutually open pairing? Thanks for your comment by the way.  xxoo 

        • Christelyn

          Actually, I can’t get in too much of a convo because I’m reviewing the audio of our interview, per your request. But no, as you know passion (aka infatuation) is ephemeral…it goes in and out. The LASTING component of a marriage is intimacy and commitment.

          • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

            i agree.  Commitment and intimacy is what I have with my husband.  Passion is actually still there as well, but it has waned in 16 years of marriage, I can admit that without feeling badly about it.  I love my King and we love our sex life.   Luckily I don’t have to depend on my husband for all of my needs. We make beautiful intimate love, and with my new boyfriends we make passionate new hormone induced love.  It’s so nice to have both and not have to worry that I am lying or cheating or eroding trust.

            • LotusLeader

              You, Madame, live like a queen.  This is exactly how Queen Elizabeth lived when she was younger. 

          • Prayerpeacesong

            Theres that word again COMMITMENT!!!!! ^_^  Which people are afraid of. Whether it is Dad/Mom, marriage, your job (supervisor), School (teacher) and or church (pastor) etc. That’s the real fear.

    • Jean_Harlow

      I’ve been happily married for almost 13 years to my husband and we still don’t want an open marriage.

      • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

        That is fantastic!  Again, our philosophy is not that everyone should have an open marriage, for sure.  But with 66% of those married today “cheating” we just add one more option.

        What do you think about the fact that there are 33,000 legal religions in the USA and just 4 legal relationships choices?

        married.  gay married.  married and cheating (which is legal).  single

  • IllyPhilly

    So is that knowing and admitting your getting cheated on? Is it just for the men? How do we know the Black community doesn’t do this already?

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      Great questions.  I love to see questions rather than simply going off about it.  I understand it’s something different… 

      We don’t believe in the concept of cheating because love is not a game.  We believe that humans beings naturally desire love form many others even when married, we accept this fact and we choose to act on it rather than lie about it and sneak or “cheat”.  

      It is for men and women.  Both are equally desirous of love.

      The Black community currently stands at a 70% divorce rate.  And sure they do it, but it’s always hidden and there is no accountability.  This is why w have so much baby mama drama and so forth.  We think if people do this, they should be accountable and it should be in the open for all to know. 

  • mysteryguest

    According to Kenya Stevens, she did not enter into the institution of marriage with the intent of sleeping with other men. As a matter of fact, it would appear that her desire to express “feelings of love” with another man was never even a concept until her man had a desire to sleep with someone else. So, like many affairs, it  was reactionary, perhaps borne out of feelings of insecurity. Now, it would seem that they have this “commune of lovers”,and that they can express “feelings of love” with all these individuals….stop it-there is not that much communal love in the world.  Im gonna need this couple to cut all this flowery language, and have a seat,or in the words of Tamar, have several seats-one for each sexual partner.
     Now I know it doesnt sound like Im open minded at all, but this just test the limits of reason, and leads right back to…why the f*** would you get married in the first place?

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      Well, I had fallen in love at year three of our marriage, but was too ashamed to talk about it.  I never thought my husband would feel happy about me loving another man so I let it go.  I never had sex with him, but I did fall deeply in love.  May women have this happen, but as of yet, women are not able to talk about it openly without being shunned by their peers and their partners.  That is truly the sad part.

      Our opening was not a reaction to his desire, my personal opening cam quite by surprise.  I fell in love and I told my husband this time and he embraced it.  That is the plain truth of the matter.  

      • guest

        So if u hadnt fallen out of love and u was perfectly happy and so was ur husband would u accept an open marriage? 

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          I am deeply in love with my husband.  I am not “accepting” an open marriage, beloved.  I enjoy open relating.  I have never felt so free and so empowered as a woman. 

          Of course when he first told me he was falling in love (more courage than I had when I fell in love) I was floored and terrified.  So I asked him could I meet her.  He said yes.  I was trying to have an open mind.  But for the years that followed I kept trying to see it.  THe only thing I couldn’t see is him accepting me doing this as we are both in love.

          When I met a man after two years… (our 13th year of marriage) I was shocked when he told me to go for it. Him being patient and allowing me to discover this for myself led me to know that whomever I love, he would be there.. this made me very happy.

          Thanks for your question.

          I appreciate you.  xo

          • guest

            Ok i do see its just hard cos I dunno if I could love 2 people at once, question: is it the same type of love you have for your husband that you have for the other men?

            • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

              No.  I do not love my other partners the same as my husband.  I love my other partners very much, but they have not yet put in the time and energy my husband and I have.  I do hope to love my other partners fully… but it could never be the exact same.  I feel we love each person differently, just as we love all our children, but each differently and for varied reasons.  

              Thank you again.  xxo 

          • Fey

            Do you set a limit at the number of partners each of you can have at any given time and how does this work when you meet “someone’ new, do you start dating him?

            • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

              We have no set limit on the number of outside partners we can have.  If I meet a new man I tell him that I am married and I ask him if he is alright with that.  So far many men have not been alright, but those men are not for me.  I tell them I am happily married but I can date as I see fit.  I have have beautiful men in my life, but all have to comfortable with meeting and knowing my husband as a comrade not an enemy.

              I like for my men to be cigar smoking friends!  In a sense… they don’t have to smoke.  You get my point  LOL

              I can date anyone I want just like a single person, except all my dates know I am married and we begin with the truth, I give them this choice right up front so that they can be fully aware, no surprises… 

              Thank you for your question!  xxoo 

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3EHQVSA365QAAO7CZUYW33EF5M Jonna

        We all have desires and we have all loved things that are NOT good for us. But our discipline and commitment to the vows we have spoken mean more. It’s not “To desire or not to desire”. It’s “What do I desire more?” Everyone will eventually have some feeling for someone else THAT IS OK. It happens. but I do not feel it is ok to share my husband after I made a vow not to .

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          And you most certainly do not have to.  Again, we want to add a choice here.  We want to bring in some form of honest dialogue for those in marriage who do seek more love, more attention and so forth.  The first line of action is to master monogamy.  The second is to open the mind and allow the other partner to be a real person in the relationship.  Once we know the desires, we may be able to allow one another to act on them, but only if we both want to.  You don’t have to for sure!  But for those that want to, liek the 66% of those cheating right now in america who are married, we want to offer a choice so we can keep more families in tact. You see?

          Love to you 

          Kk

      • mysteryguest

        While I dont necessarily support this movement, I certainly do appreciate your coming back in to reply to all of us. Your explanations sound so logical and reasonable, but I tend to think that things like this add confusion, not clarity, to relationships. Sometimes I feel that, as a society, we seek far too much justification and reasons to excuse bad behaviors, so that we can be comfortable in the dysfunction. I cant prevent his straying, therefore Im gonna call this relationship something else-open. I would be willing to bet that many who have open relationships would prefer they be closed.

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          I don’t think I could ever live in a “closed” relationship again, in fact I don’t know how I did it for 11 years.  I thank you for your kind words.  I realize, again, that this is a tough subject.  But the freedom to have my loving man at home and to be able to meet all the loving men I choose, it’s not something that is easy to create and maintain but we’ve done it, and I’m proud of us.  My children get to see the success of working together and best friends loving.

        • Prayerpeacesong

          Come On Mysteryguest!!! Amen to that!!!!!

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=697638855 Sonia Barbosa

        Kenya: While I respect your decision, your responses in this forum seem to be all “lovey dovey” let us make angels in the snow, and not really responding to the serious inquiries from those who do not agree with your belief on marriage. What do you have to say to those who are not in agreement, and all the good reasons they have offered?

        Best

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          I have nothing to say to those who are disagreeing based on religion or sheer emotion.  I avoided those questions because these individuals were not asking questions, they were expressing fear.  There is nothing I can really do or say to that… it will take time for these individuals to come to a place where they can think outside the box.  I love them though.  I did not mean to avoide them… be sure to follow me on twitter, you’ll see I talk lovey dovey all day long.  I do live in a free world of bliss!  Can’t help the smile…

  • PR Guru

    You know what I find “entertaining” about this story is that Steven
    feeling that people are “brain-washed” into think that Marriage is for
    only two people.

    oooooh poor…..poor….poor…Kenya Stevens
    what a lost soul you and your husband are. This story proves just
    because you are an educated person does not mean you are an intelligent
    person.

    WOW!

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      Brainwashed is a strong word.  What I’m saying is that the way we love was taught to us.  We did not create the system of marriage as we know it today, but we learned it and have accepted it.  Am I missing the point?  Thanks for your comments… xoxoxo 

      • guest

        You called them peons then you brought in religion just because you don’t agree is no need to insult us 

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          I did not call them peons.  The writer framed my words from another video and linked them to religion.  I have discussed this with the editor.  This is my major concern with the article.  I was raised Christian.  All I said about religion is that this is where the idea comes from that we are to partner with only one person for life… I do apologize about the writers context with my words.  She is against open marriage so it’s difficult for her to write from a fair context, but she did her level best.

          By the way Open is the Mac and Closed is the PC… giggle xxoo 

  • CommonSense?

    i think my major issue is with the physical consequences…there are a lot of STD’s out there. i dont think its a wise decision to engage in such loose sexual practices. in addition, it makes me question what the actual point was in getting married if both parties are not content with just being with one person? why not casually date and keep it simple.

  • Jean_Harlow

    Sorry, my husband and I will NEVER be in an open marriage. We got married because we want to commit to each other, not to Tom, Peter, and Jane!

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      How long have you been married?  If you don’t mind my asking.

      • Jean_Harlow

        13 years on January 1st.

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          Ah yes!  I just responded to your other post… thank you for sharing your thoughts!

        • Prayerpeacesong

          Now see it does work!

  • Dejaj89

    An open marriage is pretty much the equivalent of being single and dating so why even get married if the title means nothing? Makes no sense to me. Furthermore I think commitment is one of the main issues between black relationships to begin with so how would an open marriage solve anything? That’s just wasting money on a wedding or ceremony just to continue to date as if you are single.

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      I saw no need to leave my husband just because he wanted to love more.  I love my husband.  I love being married to him.  He is my king.  He is a beautiful man.  And I too had felt the pull before to have an affair, but I had refrained.  I think being honest is so much better than sneaking and lying which is plaguing 66% of married people today – adultery.

      • Choclitcandeegirl

        You didn’t think ” he wants to love more” when he said the wanted to be with the chick from work! That was about having his cake and eating it too and you jumping on the “open relationship” train when you realized he was gonna do it. He already had it in his mind that it was gonna happen, he just wanted permission to ACT. Now he isn’t guilty because you are doing it too.

        Hopefully the people you and your husbands have “love” for don’t want to get married since you already are.

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          I would love to marry another man.  And I just may.  Who says I can’t have as many husbands as I please?  There are various cultures in the world who already have this kind of beautiful practice.  We here in the States should become exposed to many ways of doing things… But yes, I’d love another husband.  I’ve had a boyfriend for a few years now, he loves the family.  He would marry me.

          • Jpick100

            Wow…are u an alien or a freak

            • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

              Nahhh I’m just a African American girl from Detroit… went to Howard University met my soul mate, fell in love, got married, had children and lived a normal life until all of this happened.  I was actually just a stay at home mom…   giggle xo

              • GAM10

                You do realize those communities that practice polygamy stipulate that only males are allowed to do this…right? You’re creating your own formula for your needs and purposes.

                • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

                  I’m not allowed to make my own rules for my own life?  Why not, my love?

        • Guest

          You hit the nail on the head!!!

      • Prayerpeacesong

        Kenya-

        You love your husband, you love being married to him, he is your king and he is a beautiful man. You are in love however, because he wanted and open relationship and committed adultery he open the flood gates of hell on your marriage. Just because he told you the truth does not make him a nonadulterer and because he committed adultery he automatically made you and adulteress that is why it entered your mind to have an affair.

        Please read the Word of God! It is in Matthew and Corinthians.

        With Love!

    • Prayerpeacesong

      Dejaj89- you said it COMMITMENT!!!!!

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_65MHCOJ5WFX2ZUX242QQU2WU4U homie

    To each their own but if my husband came to me with this it
    would be time for a divorce. Why get married????? Hollyweird
    does quite a bit of freaky things I don’t agree with. When you love
    someone you will be jealous it’s just human nature. By the way monique’s
    husband looks like a big FREAK.

  • Jenn

    I really do not understand the concept of open marriage. If a person chooses to have multiple partners, that is their personal choice and their personal business. But if that’s the case, don’t get married. This open marriage concept just doesn’t make sense to me at all.

    Furthermore, it does seem like Stevens is dissing monogamy and traditional marriage, particularly when she says “people have been brainwashed into thinking human beings were meant to be monogamous.” If an open marriage works for her and her husband, fine – that’s their choice. But to somehow parlay that into the idea that the traditional marriage paradigm is “broken” is totally ridiculous.

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      There isn’t much to parlay.  50% of marriages fail.  That’s an F on any standard test.  70% fail in the African American community.  That’s lower than an F.  That’s ‘we don’t have any answers at all”… Our solution is three fold.  1.  Learn to relate to self and the divine.  2.  learn to relate to one other human being “master monogamy”  3.  Learn to relate to the world at large to be authentic there to tell your truth and live the destiny you as an individual came to live…

  • Getit!

    No, no and no. That foolishness can be termed many things like AIDS and unhappiness but a marriage it is not.

  • Ngoziemereonye

    An open relationship and/ or marriage is a horrible and deceitful way of life.  God will not be mocked the wages of sin is DEATH.  God is the one that instituted marriage to be one man and one wife anything outside that is from the devil and everyone of us shall be held accountable of how we lived our lives whether we believe or like it or not.

    • Rev.22:18-19

      He didn’t though. That’s not actually in the Bible. In the old test’ment how many wives did Solomon have? David? Essau Jacob? LOTS. In some super ancient cultures women had more than one husband; in more middle ancient cultures, more than one wife for men. In ancient Greece and Rome you had sex with your wife for children and good breeding; your needs were satisfied by both private and temple prostitutes, both male and female; read Romans 1:18-28 with that in mind. There is a reason why people living in the craddle of civilization have poligamist marriages. It’s not even defined in the New test. because Paul and the real deciples were writing to churches set up across the known world with different customs and social norms. I’m all for god and the bible (i’ve read it and further, taught it); but please actually read it before telling us what you… uh, I mean, ‘god’ feels and is disgusted by. God didn’t define marraige as between one man and one woman, the State defined marraige – and only very recently as between one man and one woman. If anything Paul encouraged believers NOT to marry so that they could devote their life and resources to the kingdom of God and prepare for a soon to return Christ. Marriage was a civil issue before it was a religious one (Note that there is a St. Valentine because he was martyred for illegally marrying soldiers to their sweethearts, which infuriated the State/Rome) which is why religious organizations and leaders (churches, mosques, synegagues and temples) need a license from the State for the marriages they officiate over in order for the certificates they issue to be legal. I am friends with several folks who are in open marriages and it works for them. One of those couples has been together for 20something years. I’m married and my marraige is closed. Eh, who cares? Obviously not God.

      • OSHH

        @ Rev, So what does the bible say again about adultery, and fornication, giving in to lusts of the flesh and a carnal nature?!?!

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=40005507 Alysha Noland

          Okay?!?! I’d love to know that as well

          • OSHH

            To even speak for God though, smh, but then to declare HE doesn’t care about adultry……. WOW!
            IDK what “god” this person worships or is speaking of and don’t want to.

            • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

              Is God really a he? 

              • OSHH

                I don’t think God is a woman at all, and God’s gender REALLY wasn’t the issue here.

                • MsDee

                  AMEN @ OSHH..lol Kenya is off point for sure.. SHE is  avoiding the point.. BUT now I get this.. when someone ask if GOD’s a HE ..is in denial!!!!!..and she doesnt believe in the LORD and his marvelous works–I pray for KENYA and her KING.. that GOD  reveals  thee TRUTH!!!!   I’m done with this subject.. GOD BLESS!!!!! 

                • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

                  I think God’s gender is the nature of the concern at hand.  If God is a man, then only men are allowed to be free.  Cheating is not illegal in any state.

                  • Prayerpeacesong

                    John 4:24!!!!

              • Prayerpeacesong

                Kenya,

                God is a spirit and we must worship him in spirit and in truth.
                Now you read John 4:24

                Him-the objective case of he
                He-the male last mentioned

                With Love!

      • Prayerpeacesong

        Actually the bible is the #1 History book. Old Testament is more history and stories on what went on in the time. Everything that Solomon, David, Essau, Jacob and Lot was not in line with God. However, He made some changes in their lives. Paul is not encouraging people to stay single neither does he say have an open marraige. If that was the case then he would be going against the Lord thy God. Read what Jesus said about marraige. Just because it was and still is some of their customs does not make it right by God.

        With Love! 

      • NJ

        Oh my! What type of reverend are you?! Yes it is true that all those men of God had more than one wife but you’re talking about the old testament! And yes Paul did talk about wishing everyone were like him but you also forgot to mention 1 corinthians 7 where he talks about each woman having her own husband and each man his own wife!! So please don’t try to take certain scriptures to try to prove your point…also what about what Jesus himself spoke about marriage in Matthew 19?! Whoever ordained you reverend must have been drunk off that wine because you’re understanding is off, way off…You see Christ knew what these generations were going to be like…therefore through His words he establish this new order…do we still sacrifice burnt offerings to the Lord? No…that was in the old testament…just because it was in the old testament doesn’t mean that we still continue to practice those things….the old testament is just showing how you how God began to establish his kingdom after the fall of men and preparing us for the coming of Christ….after Jesus came and the law was fulfilled a lot of the things that they use to practice was no more…

  • http://twitter.com/CurlyDoc8 Curly Doc 8

    Now that there is an increase in Black marriages, people consider making it an open marriage? Come on! Hasn’t our community suffered enough, now we are doing it to ourselves. Black people get it together. This mess is getting to be too much. I love being a couple and family relationship counselor but this mess right here is astonishing and deters me to a point. More Black men may be into this open marriage because who are we kidding? Black men have been programmed to be that way (psychological effects of slavery). How about we focus on making Black marriage STRONG before we resort to this atrocity?

    • Sugar_Spice

      PREACH!!!!!!!! I love it

    • MsDee

      AMEN!!! Curly– The Black families are always the target of this kind of MESS!!! instead of building the family unit ..  we have people like Kenya trying to  tear it  down, and it’s really sad because she herself is  a Black woman.. and I’m sure she know the struggles of the history of Black women and their relationships— smh  I expect this from non – blacks because the stronger we are as a group of people  the strong we become in society

      • Prayerpeacesong

        CurlyDoc8 well said. To all the sisters we must not be harsh to Kenya. Kenya maybe going through or have gone through something that send her to make that decision. What she fail to realize is that she will be held accountable for trying to lead or leading others to commit an act against the Lord. What you reap is what you sow. What you plant is what you grow.

        With Love!

        FYI….Don’t let someone else’s believe lead you to anger.

  • Nellz

    Honestly I think your girl Stevens is tripping!! Open marriage?! Wtf is that?? I mean if they want to sleep around with other people why are they married? Her “marriage” will fail no doubt about that and when it does I hope she ask God to forgive her for pushing a totally satanic act! I feel like hollywood will embrace such a thing because they have the worst marriage track record…but I think most normal couples will not go with that idea.

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      My husband and I do not believe in divorce.  God or Goddess doesn’t have a judgement on love.  God or Goddess is love… xxoo 

      • Elegance

        Ha, so you believe in open marriage and not divorce! I think that says a lot. No matter what happens you’re going to stay together. Other people get married because they only want to be with each other and when they stop feeling that way they get divorced! You should state this position more prominently so people understand this. Other people will never tolerate the cheating and to them it is a sign they need to divorce and ONLY THEN start dating again to find another monogamous partner. You’re just doing all of that while putting a marriage label on it. I think that’s just a big mess and I would never do that!

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          Why did you get married, beloved?  I got married because I found my best friend and soul mate.  We agree that no matter how much we change and grow, we would never abandon one another.  To me this is one of the greatest loves.  I feel secure, safe, valued and respected.  My husband is a king.  Plus I get to enjoy freedom, expanded love and bliss!  I can’t ask for anything better.

          • MsDee

            Kenya..if your hubby is all that.. why do U feel the need to expand your freedom and love ? lol… smh  You are talking in cirlces. this makes no sense.. and  you know it.!!! MOST ppl get married for all those same reasons and more.. I doubt if any of them go into  marriage with all of that . thinking uumm… I also want to be FREE to love  others.. LOL!!!  thats says to me that your man / king was not worthy for that THRONE!!!

            • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

              My king has been so good to me, he always is.  He has been totally committed to me and our family for the entire 16 years of our marriage.  He is more than worth his throne because he wants for me what he wants for himself… freedom and love. 

              Have you ever filled a cup to capacity and the water runs over the top, that is our love, the water keeps pouring and we are full, so we pour more into our other cups!  We love it!  xo

            • Xpression

              Your right about her talking in circles. She is clearly delusional and doesn’t believe in God. Yet these are the people they put on TV to talk to our youth and the black community. SMH.  Can we say illuminati!!! The devil is real

      • MsDee

        LOL!!! what  do you mean  GODDESS… I’ve never read Goddess in the BIBLE!!! and I’d like to knwo if you read the bible at all and if so, are you ever convicted to follow GOD’s word.. ?   Kenya I’m leaning towards agreeing with  Nellz — I say leaning  because I dont know you..  But everything  she says it right on.  You have not answered the question which is once again. WHY get married if you’re going to  exercise an “open marriage”? PLEASE!!! answer that– also..no one owns anyone.. when you’re  married.. YOU becomes ONE!!!!… As for me ad my house my we will follow the  word of GOD and what he says about marriage and or infidelity —

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          We married in 1995 because we were in love.  In 2004 we had a wonderful new discovery, we wanted to expand our love.  I didn’t see a need to divorce an honest man who told me the truth and wants me to have what he has AND wants to continue to take care of us.  I love our freedom and I love our commitment.   

          • Prayerpeacesong

            Remember the Divine order. He wanted you to enjoy what he enjoyed all along. You said we until you wrote the third sentence. Then it became Him that started this whole thing for you guys marriage relationship and then you agreed to it. That means on judgement day you will be accountable for your deeds and he for his. You will not be judge as a couple. No marriage will.

            With Love!

        • Xpression

          Your right about her talking in circles. She is clearly delusional and doesn’t believe in God. Yet these are the people they put on TV to talk to our youth and the black community. SMH.  Can we say illuminati!!! The devil is real

      • Prayerpeacelove

        Kenya, and I say this with love. God is about love….goddess is paganisim. We must really do our homework on what this world have to offer. Everything that is presented to us (people) are not for us to indulge in. I saw you and your husband on the Monique show. Love Monique dearly but everything and everyone that she and her producers present on her show and the topics that they talk about  are not all correct and it doesn’t make it right just because it is on her show.

        Like I said with Love.

      • Pivyque

        I see. I think that is why you may have agreed to this. When I was in high school, 9th grade, my boyfriend wanted to have sex. I loved him, but I wasn’t ready. So, I told him that we could have an open relationship until I was. It worked for about 3 1/2 years. He would do what he wanted and I could do my homework in peace! lol I never thought about him with the other girls. I trusted him to follow the rules and that was it. I eventually decided that I didn’t want to give my virginity to him because he had been with so many women lol I know it sounds crazy, but I can understand the idea of open marriage, but I can’t understand how it could work. I only want my husband to have me. I can’t imagine giving myself to another person, even if he agreed to an open marriage. I wouldn’t be able to go through with it.

  • Hmmmmmm

    I notice the responses are from the ladies and the points are valid….But I and many men I know are open to this idea with the right person….In fact I think it is the only way I would consider marriage.

    • Cynnergies

      What the… hey at least I caught myself: I was going to ask if you were serious, but since you took the time to write this comment, you must be.  “the only way I would consider marriage” is an arrangement where you’d get a free pass to eff around.  Why pray tell would you bother with the consideration in the first instance?  My response’s thinly veiled testiness isn’t to you personally (don’t know ya) but more to this question, as it’s pushing my buttons with respect to racial specificity…why on EARTH would black women need to settle in this way??? 

      • Getit!

        I wonder what that trust level must be like, the way love stakes a claim on our significant other.

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          We have had to develop a serious amount of trust for one another.  In fact I spoke about that trust on the Monique show.  Check the video here jujumama dot com.  This is something that all relationships need, more trust.  So we have taken the time to develop that and to create tools for others to do so.  We’ve written 14 books and 400 articles on the topic of trust, love, harmony and relationships.

          Love and Delight to you!  xxoo 

          • Sofi

            Every waking hour, man thinks of ways to have his cake & eat it too. From sex outside of marriage, to petty divorces, to gay marriage, to marital infidelity and now an “open marriage”!. 
            Morals, values and boundaries are out the window, so in the next 20 years, expect individuals to start promoting necrophilia, animalia, and child sex abuse too.

          • MsDee

            Hi Kenya, Ok  you said you spoke about trust on the Monique Show.. ( I missed the show)  However, if you are speaking of trust in a relationship. Why discuss trust?  there is no reason for it in an “open Marriage” right? — everything is already on the table , So tell me again why open marriage is a plus? 

            • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

              Thank you for your question.  You can catch the Mo Show here jujumama dot com.  But there has to be an elevated level of trust in an open relationship because you are trusting your partner to make good choices, to keep you safe, to always be loyal to the relationship no matter what other kinds of love affairs he or she is having… I trust my husband with my life.

              I didn’t need that level of trust in monogamy becasue it was more like he just had to follow the rules.  When the rules go away and we say to one another, I trust you with no rules at all, I trust you so much that I don’t have to govern your life or check up on you at all… that is a serious level of trust that leads to blissful awakening!

              I used to be a prison warden and so did he to some extent. But it’s no fun making love to an inmate or a warden for that matter.

              Open marriage is a plus for me because we are free.  We can be individuals and have fantastic lives together and outside at the same time.  It’s the best of both worlds for me… 

              HOpe this is what you meant.  Check the vids!  xxoo  

              • Prayerpeacesong

                So it is really about greed!

          • Msmykimoto2u

            What you are supposed to “trust” with your significant other is to trust that he will never stray from you to someone else. So what if he looks? Fine, just dont touch. But to me I feel that if my man asks me to have an “open relationship”, then I am not doing my job as a wife and vice versa

            • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

              I just don’t happen to believe that one person can provide all we need… this is why we need community.  It’s too much pressure for one man or one woman to provide all the love we each need as humans.

              • Pivyque

                I agree with you. I don’t believe that one person can provide all we need, but I believe that is why we need friends and family. I’m glad you two are honest with each other, but it is still a very dangerous thing to do. The people that are being included in the relationship may not be as open and honest as you two. A person with a STD can get tested and have the test come back negative for different reasons. Regardless of your beliefs, it is very risky behavior.

      • Hmmmm

        CYNNERGIES: I didn’t take your attack personally. To respond to you and all the sisters who have reacted, my answer is that I am just not possessive. Loving, but not possessive. If you were in a relationship with me you would indeed know that you were loved and protected and supported but you would not feel possessed – and I understand how feeling possessed is important to most women. I am also not an easily threatened man. You can be all the woman you want to be with a man like me and you would recognize early that I’m just not intimidated. I leave room for the women I am with to evolve like no men they have been with –  this I have been told. But the same piece of me that makes it possible for me to not be threatened by the success of a mate also makes it hard for me to be jealous. And I do not fear being “alone.” I think the capacity for jealousy, the need for power over something/someone, and fears of being alone are what drives many of our desires to be in traditional marriages.
        I notice how some of the replies to my comment have a lot to do with what “black women need to settle for” when at least as it relates to me it is not all about the woman. As it relates to me black women or any women for that matter do not need to do me the favor of settling for anything with me. It’s 2000 and now. You are free to do as you please. Dare I say my happiness matters and should be considered. The audacity  of me! The comment about a “special woman:” I’ve dated a lot and let me tell you this; the world is filled with phenomenal women who have blessed me with their company (the greatest gift possible) and wisdom. I  have very few horror stories in regards to the opposite sex so it is not about specialness. I attract quality women and I enjoy the company of quality women. Traditional marriage would interrupt my indulgence in these relationships – many of which are not sexual but often flirtatious and playful and exciting and dynamic in an effortless way. Effortless is the key word.

        The comment about the sister’s child’s desire for a dog: Your passive-aggressive attempt to slander me was unnecessary. The child and the dog have to answer to you. Perhaps your husband if you indeed have one. I do not have to answer to you. I can buy my own dog too. And my man pants are pulled up and buckled. Stylish and tailored as well. And I eat fire and *hit out earth that provides
        comfortable space for the lady(ies) in my life to walk on comfortably by the way. If I were your son you would be extremely proud and thankful. Your proverbial kitchen is not hot enough, sweetie.

        And the blanket comments about my gender. All I will say is that many of you ladies certainly are not models for the change you seek in men. It’s not all about you. I know most women are saintly but women step out on their men all the time….and these men will go to the grave with a kiss on the lips and ignorant of how they are wronged. In other words we all (men and women) are capable of rocking the boat. And it is because I know this fact that my feelings are based not solely on what I want but also recognizing that there are indeed women who are dishonest about this.

        • PosterGirl

          I hear what you’re saying, and I mostly agree with you, but here’s my question–would you be willing to allow your spouse to have the same freedom? If the answer is yes, then I admire you for your ability to trust and your willingness to be fair. Otherwise, I’d have to wonder.

    • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

      why get married at all if you’re going to cheat (which is what you’ll essentially be doing if you have sex with someone other than your spouse while you are still married)? I’m just having trouble understanding the reasoning behind it.

      You want the benefits of the institution without the obligations? Reminds me of my oldest child who wanted a dog SO badly…I think you know where I’m going with this.

      The above poster was correct in saying that it sounds like those who are open to participating in an open marriage merely “want to have their cake and eat it too”. It’s time to grow up and put your big boy pants on, if you can’t take the heat of what it truly means to be married, then don’t step in the kitchen, period.

      • Number 1

        This sounds like a mom  may be RE-living her past through that of her daughter. It is essential to be protective because of natural instinct, but when a child is of age it is best that they learn the world on their own to grow from mistakes and “dogs” as you call them. Another thing, women and this all men are dogs mambo jambo may be diluting and institutionalizing your daughter to see bad in all men. FYI, not all dogs are bad, lol. They can be protective in nature, follow commands, and love when loved.  

        Your main points are dead on right however, why want more when you already have enough right? Excellent analogy! You deserve an A+ for that one. Now I’m no Mr. No It All, but I had a mom who obviously was in serious denial of a good man in her presence. Did some prrrreeeetyyyy f’d up stuff and still cant put on her big girl pants and say just maybe I was wrong. I think you know where I’m going with this!

        It’s time to realize that the men from your and your oldest child’s past is just that, PAST. Until then you will continue to see men as all being liars and deceptive. By the way, it is time to have daughter in the kitchen, while having her ‘dog’ learning to cook up something fulfilling and worthwhile as well.

    • Sugar_Spice

      You just wait until you find a woman who you love most in this world & decide you want to spend the rest of your life with her………Then imagine her with another man.

      • sam

        That’s exactly what I’m thinking! Who wants to imagine the man of their dreams, lying on top of another woman?

    • Jenn

      @Hmmm: I disagree with you. However, I am curious about your comment and would like to ask you a questions. If you prefer to not be monogamous and have multiple partners (I’m not knocking you if that’s your choice.) than why get married at all? I’ve been happily married for 12 years and I personally believe marriage = monogamy. However, if a person chooses to not be monogamous, that is their personal business. But if that’s case, why get married at all?

    • guest

      Of course you would consider it ur a MAN u guys want to have the woman u love then go and f*** every1 else while saying i love u i dont love them u guys aren’t nice uno cos if ur woman said she wanted to do this u would go crazy but if u  guys want to do it we’re irrational 

      • Number 1

        While I don’t agree with hmmmm, what does being a MAN have to do with anything? It is your distorted thinking of men that shifts being in an open relationship only on a man. It is open which means both man and woman are AGREEING to it, what you are referring to is infidelity and woman are not so slick as to being faithful either. FYI, every man does not have his mind nor body set on f***ing every1 else. Not this one anyway, when I am in a healthy committed and loving relationship, there is nothing that makes me even think twice about affairs, AGREED or not.

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      Thank you for your warm reply.  There are many women today who are seeking loving partnership that does not involve ownership of the partner.  I am sure you will find what you’re looking for. 

      Love and Delight!

      Kenya K Stevens

      • Prayerpeacesong

        It appears that this open relationship thing is nothing more then being afraid of commitment and being submissive to the husband. A lot of people (men and women) do not really understand the word submissive. Ref. check out the Word of God….he will give you understanding of the word submissive. There is nothing that states anything about ownership. Real true love is not about ownership neither is marraige. Marraige is a Divine order put together by God. He(God) is about family…which the enemy(satan himself) is not.

        Marraige is an automatic ministry….so that means this open marraige relationship are you and your husbands ministry. It appears that you guys are trying to persuade married couples to commit adultery.

        Adultery- extramarital sex that willfully and maliciously interferes with marraige relations adultery is often cited as grounds for divorce. Look at the first word and take marital off…you get EXTRA SEX that is the Will of the heart of some people. Their Will Their Way…. Pay attention now!

    • Prayerpeacesong

      And that is why the world is in a state of craziness. The Divine order is God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, Man, Woman and so on. Stop letting the enemy bind you up. Stop getting distracted with worldly things and human issues. Men are afraid to be a man of God. With Love!

  • ay

    There’s no such as thing as an “open marriage”…………………………

  • Shamika MH

    I DON’T SHARE!!! Point. Blank. Period.

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      I know.  Most people don’t share.  Banks don’t share either… hence the rebellion.  Sharing is our nature, loving is our nature and so is community.

      Love and Delight to you!

      Kk

      • Xpression206

        Do you believe in God? It doesn’t seem like it and I noticed your only commenting on certian questions.  You didn’t reply to Msmykimoto2u  ????

  • Jinski13

    I get that it’s part of human nature to be attracted to other people and in society today we’re exposed to more and more people.  However, the idea of marriage is monogamous.  If you don’t wish to be monogamous then don’t get married.  Marriage is sacred (not in the sense that gay people shouldn’t be allowed to wed) and if you can’t be with one person for the rest of your life don’t get married.  It’s ridiculous all these little rules we make and exceptions we have in order to “have our cake and eat it too”.  Bottom line, adults make decisions to be in committed marriages and maintain those as such.  If you can’t keep your goodies to yourself you’re not a mature adult and don’t belong in a marriage.

    • Nadawn12

      I agree Jinski13

  • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

    The very term “open marriage” is a huge oxymoron. If it’s going to be open, then why get married in the first place? It’s just cheating with a fancier name. I’m not a bible thumper but dang it I took my vows very seriously when I got married.

    The phrase “open marriage” is utterly ridiculous IMO. Kudos to MN for pushing this sacreligious nonsense under the guise of “progressive thinking”. News flash: just because “Hollyweird” does it, that doesn’t make it ok for the rest of us sensible human beings to follow suit. They also think cr*ck parties are fun and come to the defense of proven child molesters (Norman Polansky).

  • detroitdoll313

    I would say that they are on to somethng. However, I know to many couples who practice the same thing at some point and are now divorced. Its pretty much BS. What’s really the point of getting married? Oh yes, I want stabilty and the comforts of a constant companion but I’m just not ready to stop f’cking other people.Or maybe your chosen partner just doesn’t completely float your boat in the bed. That’s what it all boils down to, right?  No matter what the chick in this article says. What she is saying is pure ludicrousness.  Contrary to what couples who swear by this lifestyle think there are numerous black couples who have long standing marriages and relationships. Heres the kicker to that too, they absolutely love the status and all aspects of their relationship.

  • Mary

    hmm it’s not something I would necessarily try or be open to but I can’t knock it. If people want to do that in their relationship it’s cool with me as long as no one gets hurt I guess

    • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

      Thank you for your warm reply.  No one is hurt.  My husband and I are very happy.  Your concern for our well being is admirable!  I appreciate your comments.  xxoo

      Kenya K

      • Ebonydiva82

        You’re not concerned about STD’s/I’s? You’ve never heard about genital herpes and how it is transmitted/spread? I definitely don’t support such a relationship. What’s the point of getting married if you want to have an open relationship? How much respect and loyalty do you think your side piece has for you? It’s an individual thing but there are too many diseases going around to play games with your life. But it’s your life. Do what you want even if it makes no sense. Men and women living in the black community have enough problems to worry about with

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          It seems that STDs are spreading regardless of whether we lie or tell the truth in our relationships.  Recall that 66% of those married currently are experiencing adulterous affairs, even if they do not know it.  Its best to tell the truth is all.  This is the best way to stop the spread of illness.  Be up front, tell the truth so that you can take your time and know your partner before you have sex (no fast secret affairs without thinking) and get tested, both of you! 

          My husband and I don’t run about having sex as we choose, we take our time, talk about things, and move slowly and sweetly through love.

      • tasha1114

        Kenya, If that’s what makes your relationship works for you then that’s cool! But I have a question for you…..what if your husband falls in love with one of the side pieces and leave you for that person and want to be ONLY with that person? Or vice versa?

        • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

          My husband and I have an understanding.  I trust my husband deeply just as he trusts me.  We have already decided that we will never part.  I have no concerns about him wanting someone else so much that he leaves me.  He can always move her in!  And if I so choose, I can move in a partner of mine.  Again, we are all friends, we are community.  We do not subscribe to the philosophy of leaving one another high and dry.  It’s just outside the set of circumstances we created.

          We encourage one another to love other deeply and with great passion.  We don’t want to have shallow relationships.

          I hope that answers the question.

          • GAM10

            Hello Mrs. Stevens,

            I’ve taken what you’ve said into consideration but this is the wrong way to go if we are trying to build strong black families. You are encouraging a lifestyle that can affect a network of people negatively if it does not work out. You talk about bringing children into this equation? Do you know that polygamy was a system introduced by the elite so that they can essentially have their cake and eat it too? That a high percentage of women in polygamous relationships suffer from depression and  low self esteem? Who’s to say that a woman/man won’t participate in your system just to hold onto the person they love? What if the ‘no’ person NEVER comes around? Should they leave someone they are in love with because that person caught wind of your ‘system’?

            I can appreciate the fact that you and your husband may have found something that works for you. But peddling your ‘magic potion’ to the black community is a crippling move to what’s left of our value system.

            • http://twitter.com/JujuMama Kenya K Stevens, CEO

              We’re not peddling our lifestyle.  If you check our sites, our courses are about Mastering Monogamy, tantra, relationships candor, and other things… it just happens that we ourselves have advanced to an open marriage.  I think you should check us out on the monique show here to hear our main philosophy http:// jujumama. com 

          • Msmykimoto2u

            With all do respect Mrs. Kenya, whether your husband and you have an understanding or not, by practicing this lifestyle you are indeed committing adultery and therefor, even though your marriage may be “legal” under earthly terms, it is not pure in God’s eyes and that right there is enough to ask you to not encourage others to participate in this act. If it works for you well….but remember in the end, its God you must answer to not your husband.

            • Xpression206

              AMEN!!

  • Nefijones1

    As soon as couple introduce some else into their relationship (knowingly or not) it loosens the bond between them. 

    Marraige is meant to be sacred between 2 people. 

  • Kraz

    If you want to explore other people and dont be “tied” down…DONT get married!. A marriage is a union before God and in that there is promise to give your self entirely to your spose. with that being said why give that away to someone else???….when two people LOVE each other they have to work on being together and stickin your w/e comes their way….once u come to that point of choosing who you want to spend your life with…no one else deserves the right to come into your bond…it took a long time to get there!….n u say its love? really? some people dont understand what love is….a person who cant resist temptation and have to sleep with others to me is very WEAK….

    • Tammy White188

       

      Christmas day is coming, It is a meaningful
      day for everyone. However, would like to find match before Christmas day and you can celebrate together. Blackwhite’Planet.COMIt’s a person’als place where to- connect with beautiful and
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  • Cynnergies

    I would imagine that anyone endorsing open marriage would endorse gay marriage -> meaning, alternative interpretations of what marriage means.  Yet, the so-called black (American) community seems to be against the latter and in a significant way.  Open marriage is bulls***.  Why even bother with the process…

  • Prissy

    HELL NO!!! It is one thing to not care about being married and having a COMMITTED relationship with your significant other and children. It is another to be fooling around KNOWINGLY sleeping around with multiple people. Now that is just sick. If you want to do that fine… but not while you are in a relationship. 

    • Truth Hurts

      Exactly, and just think “Aids Day” was yesterday and statistics clearly revealed that black women had the highest rates for HIV in America. Open relationships never last and does not provide a stable relationship or home. The topic alone is insulting to even think about considering for any black community as we already lack in education, salary, jobs, while consistently holding the highest incarceration & divorce rates in America. So, whats killing the black community? Broken homes.
       
      And fooling around is only fine if you’re getting tested before and after you have sex with each person, but just know each time you have sex you’re putting yourself at a higher risk for HIV and STD’s. And for the record, “condoms do not always protect you from HIV or STDs” so pick and choose your partners carefully. Your body is your temple and should be respected as such.

      • Ebonydiva82

        I bet many people don’t even know that genital herpes is spread even when the infected person has no signs or symptoms and it can be spread EVEN IF a condom is used during intercourse as genital herpes could be on inner thighs. Check CDC if you don’t believe me.

    • LissaC

      This lady and her relationship is a joke!!! Her husband encouraged her so he could peruse the person he was after. Then for them to use celebrities to make it sound as if it was ok. I listen to Monique’s perspective of her marriage, what she said “her and her husband are open to talk about the feelings of infidelity, so it does not occur”!!!!
       
      There is no way, I would lower myself so my husband can feel good about cheating on me, no would I expect him to for me!!!