How Many Kids is Too Many Kids to Have With a Man Before Marriage?

November 30th, 2011 - By MN Editor

So I found out some very interesting news today that I’m sure you might have heard yourself: Kourtney Kardashian is pregnant. Again.

It wasn’t long ago that the oldest Kardashian sister found out she was first pregnant with the now very adorable Mason (you saw that episode, right?). While her sisters were off running behind ballers, getting engaged and hitched quickly and getting divorced even faster, Kourtney was always somewhere in the corner–chill and content opening boutiques and being a good mommy. And now she’ll have double baby duty with her long-time boyfriend, the oh so incredible (NOT) Scott Disick. While I’m happy for her if she is happy, her situation has me thinking: how many kids should you be laying down and having with a man before he finally puts a ring on it?

Let me first say that I’m not trying to be a hater. In fact, I like Kourtney most out of all the girls in the clan. However, there comes a time when everyone has to get a little real. She just had her first child with Disick in 2009, and here we are at the end of 2011 with news that another little one will be on the way. This is the perfect time for Scott to wed the woman who has and will bring his children into the world, who has stood by him when everyone else in her family was trashing him (which he deserved most of the time), and stood by in general when he did many a shady and immature thing. Being a ride or die chick on paper is cool, but if after all that and two babies you all haven’t even had a serious conversation about marriage and where your future is headed, then that’s a problem. Well, at least to me it is.

I know that Kourtney shouldn’t rush into anything if she isn’t ready, and neither should Scott. I also know people say that a child shouldn’t be the reason people get married if they aren’t really prepared for that leap or truly down for one another. Yeah, I’ve heard that. But let me say then that a child isn’t something they should be bringing into the world again if they really don’t see a lasting relationship in their future. So bullcocky for that excuse. If she’s good enough to push out his babies, then Kourtney should be good enough to be a wife and want to be a wife as well.

There are way too many folks out here laying down with people they are not serious about, and a lot of the time the end results are multiple children by a man who they’ve dated for years, who one day decides that the life he’s living with you and your new family just isn’t working for him anymore. Sure, a man can pick up and start over with a new lady or live the bachelor life while seeing his children every week (if they’re lucky) since it’s always assumed that the kids will be the woman’s responsibility first. But of course, it will be harder for the woman to pick up and start over because she now has children that she has to raise, love, nurture and protect on the daily. Children are in no way some sort of negative baggage, but we all know that once they’re out, if things go bad, it’s very easy for the lady to end up being both mommy and daddy while the psuedo-father smooth sails through the club and bars on the regular. Trust, I’ve seen it.

As I stated before, I think we live in a society that’s a little bit too comfortable with having flings, having children and raising them around “maybe circumstances.” Maybe the relationship will work, maybe it won’t. Maybe we’ll get married, maybe we’ll break up. We’ll just see what happens. Maybe. WTF!? I guess I look at it like this: if you can’t be committed to after having a child with the man in your life, then you might want to at least STOP having more children with him. One child with Scott is one thing Kourtney, but TWO? AND he’s crazy? Now that’s another. If you’re already living together and sharing these responsibilities, these bills and a bed (obviously), then what’s the deal with the ring? Let’s work that out folks…

But what do you think?

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http://www.womenaregamechangers.com/ WomenAreGamechangers

She is the one who doesn’t want to get married. She has said it multiple times. She doesn’t want a divorce like her parents. She’s afraid of what it’ll do to her kids. But then why have kids and not be married? To each her own but one thing, she can afford her kids.
habbibi

1 is too many
Pivyque

I do think that one is too many to have with a man that you are not married to (assuming that the couple believe in marriage). I don’t judge people based off of that because things happen. Condoms can break or birth control can fail. People just have to deal with the consequences of their actions.
Crich82

Opinions aside, it has been show through research that children fair better in a two person, male with female household. Call it old-fashioned, but in general, this type of family structure works better even if people don’t ‘agree’ with it. Oddly enough, usually the people that disagree with the fact that a two parent household is much better when raising children are single parents. I know it hurts to hear, but facts are facts. Just accept them.
http://twitter.com/VaniecesPieces Diva In Transition

Why is it that people believe that marriage=automatic better environment for the child. Two unmarried people can effectively parent. The focus is the child. Two unhappily married people cannot effectively parent. The focus is on the deteriorating relationship, the anger, resentment, the list goes on. Where’s the child in all of this? Watching, learning and internalizing. This is not a healthy environment. People get so caught up in the biblical and societal ramifications of having children before marriage, that they forget that the bottom line is what’s best for the child. Give me two, UNMARRIED, attentive and loving parents any day, over two married folks who can’t stand each other. When you become a parent, your allegiance and commitment is not to your partner, but to your child. Marriage does not change that.
Roselynw1

One is too many!!! You should be having ZERO with your BOYfriend, ZERO!!! I am not speaking as a saint (crap SOMETIMES happens) but to willing do it agin is jus STUPID!!!! I raised one child alone and it was the hardiest thinng I EVER did. I would have lost my mind trying to raise two OH HELL TO THE NAWL!!!! She is blessed that he does seem to “love” her and the baby/ies but HE IS NOT MARRIED TO YOU AND THEREFORE HAS NO ABLIGATION TO YOU….PERIOD!!!! HE CAN LEAVE AT ANY TIME AND YOU HAVE KID/S WITH HIM AND YOU NOW GET THE WHOLE LOAD WHILE HE WILL MOST LIKELY GET A WOMAN W/NONE, HELL NO!!!!! AINT’ NO WAY IN HELL I WOULD SIGN THAT CONTRACT NOT ONLY ONCE BUT, TWICE!!! DEE-DE-DEEEEE!!!!!!
Fnel21

These rich people dont care about.marriage it is just a word.
youknowyouknow

NONE! dont you people get from you make the mistake and have one that’s where the baby daddy/mama process kicks in. Before you know you got a kid for Tayquan, Darnel and Rayray from round the block. Don’t do it find someone who can offer more to your life than literally five minutes of pleasure.
Korey

One. Simple.
TalkthatTalk

if you watched the show you would know that she said that she was not ready for marriage even though that is what scott wanted…they will get married when they are both ready..its not up to the public to decide or judge them for their decision.
Fcedws

He wants to put a ring on her finger its her that’s resistant. He bought the ring and everything. She has issues with divorce because of her parents divorce so she said she didn’t want to get married now.
Not Tired but Inspired

I
couldn’t fathom the thought of not only Being with a MAN that I love x
amount of yrs and to top it off BARE not 1 but multiple children for him
and he makes it perfectly clear that I’m still not good enough! I just
don’t know how so many females do it I guess you could say that they are
cut from a different cloth!SMDH GN FB (Praying Hands) that more of my
sisters learn how to expand their horizons because something is being
said loud & clear by the BLACK MALE and that is you will forever be a
CUMBUCKET your just not good enough! A man who I knows has no intentions on marrying me will BEAT HIS MEAT and I will PAT MY CAT and that’s a FACT. I REFUSE TO HAVE A JOKA AROUND WHO TARES ME DOWN PUTTING THOSE UNNECESSARY LUST MILES ON ME. IF YOU CAN’T BE THERE WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN AND BUILD ME UP AS YOUR LADY THEN WHAT THE HELLO WOULD BE SCRUMPING FOR I CAN GET DI** & BALLS FROM ANYWHERE! MORE FEMALES REALLY NEED TO RAISE THEIR PANTIES UP AND STOP LOWERING THE BAR JUST TO HAVE LEGS IN THEIR BEDS! WE CAME MANS RIB TO BE HIS COMPANION/WIFE NOT HIS SIDE PIECE!GESH IDK Y IT’S SO HARD FOR SO MANY OF US TO GET THIS!
Not Tired but Inspired

I
couldn’t fathom the thought of not only Being with a MAN that I love x
amount of yrs and to top it off BARE not 1 but multiple children for him
and he makes it perfectly clear that I’m still not good enough! I just
don’t know how so many females do it I guess you could say that they are
cut from a different cloth!SMDH GN FB (Praying Hands) that more of my
sisters learn how to expand their horizons because something is being
said loud & clear by the BLACK MALE and that is you will forever be a
CUMBUCKET your just not good enough! A man who I knows has no intentions on marrying me will BEAT HIS MEAT and I will PAT MY CAT and that’s a FACT. I REFUSE TO HAVE A JOKA AROUND WHO TARES ME DOWN PUTTING THOSE UNNECESSARY LUST MILES ON ME. IF YOU CAN’T BE THERE WHEN THE CHIPS ARE DOWN AND BUILD ME UP AS YOUR LADY THEN WHAT THE HELLO WOULD BE SCRUMPING FOR I CAN GET DI** & BALLS FROM ANYWHERE! MORE FEMALES REALLY NEED TO RAISE THEIR PANTIES UP AND STOP LOWERING THE BAR JUST TO HAVE LEGS IN THEIR BEDS! WE CAME MANS RIB TO BE HIS COMPANION/WIFE NOT HIS SIDE PIECE!GESH IDK Y IT’S SO HARD FOR SO MANY OF US TO GET THIS!
whoshotya

I don’t think anyone should have kids before marriage! In this case, Scott want to settle down but Kortney does not want to. I do think it’s strange that you will be willing to have children with someone you don’t quite think is worthy as a husband.
- Jus Sayin’
  
  one key difference is that Kortney is not financially dependent upon Scott. She can afford to use him for comfort and sex and still handle the consequences . Poor women dont have that option.
RahTruth

Zero. Committing bring a new life into the world is MUCH more serious than committing to a marriage between two adults. SO….if he can’t commit to you, it doesn’t make sense to think he would commit to a child. Marriage (a commitment between 2 adults, with each other) should definitely take place before having a child.

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