Are We Raising Our Daughters & Spoiling Our Sons?

June 21st, 2011 - By TheEditor

"Charing Ball"

by Charing Ball

The New York Times highlighted two studies released yesterday by the College Board, which suggest that young black and Latino men continue to be measurably less educated than white men.

According to the study, entitled “The Educational Experience of Young Men of Color”, as of 2008, only 16 percent of Latino and 28 percent of African-American men ages 25 to 34 had obtained an associate’s degree or higher while the comparable figure for white men was 44 percent and 70 percent for Asian men.  The report highlights the need for more change in the education sector.  It mentioned that when it comes to addressing the dropout rates, overrepresentation in special education, suspension rates, and other factors contributing to the problem, previous emphasis has been on developing the role of supportive relationships and environments in addressing these problems.  However, as the study also points out, for the past 20 years targeted education policy initiatives have focused on minority male achievement, with varying degrees of success.

The unfortunate reality is that none of this information is new to us.  Just last year a similar conclusion was draw about the poor high school graduation rate for black men, which too is at an epidemic level.  The thing is, this has been studied for years and program after program has been developed, tried and then ultimately abandoned with the problem of achievement among boys steadily worsening.  While there is some truth to the need for more attention to be placed on young minority men, what needs to be determined is what kind of attention should be engaged.

A few paragraphs down in the same news story there’s a glimpse of what might be the root of the problem: “The report often compares the statistical success of men versus women.  In almost every case, women are shown to have received more education.”   Across the board, regardless of ethnicity, women are outperforming men in education.  All women represent at least 57 percent of enrollments at American colleges since at least 2000, and research has shown that women tend to have higher grades.  Moreover, female enrollment in college tends to skews higher among older students, low-income students, and black and Hispanic students.

Perhaps there are biological, evolutionary reasons for this shift in educational values or perhaps it is good old socialization.  There is an old saying that goes: We raise our daughters and love our sons.  That may be controversial, but it is certainly my guess as to one of the reasons why so many of our young men are not only failing in schools but also finding themselves behind bars and on the unemployment line in high numbers.  Sure, the system is messed up and has always targeted minority youth, however we still ought to look at what their mothers and fathers are doing to ensure that our young men aren’t becoming state property.

I’m just theorizing here but I think this gender disparity in education has a lot to do with how they are nurtured at home.  Our daughters, generally speaking, are not only taught traditional gender roles, but because of the realities of single womanhood, are also taught how to conduct themselves in absence of those available roles.  In particular, for the Black girl child, an often-harsh lesson is taught via what they interpret early on in society – that the world doesn’t need them, doesn’t value them and chances of survival and success will strictly come from their own perseverance of independence.

Young men, particularly young men of color, are taught too that men are supposed to be the kings of their castle.  And like their female counterparts are taught that society is against them.  That the hardest thing in the world to be is a black men and that the world is not going to give them a fair shake – that too is conditioned from birth by parents, and nurtured through interactions with society.   Yet, we stopped putting accountability for their success on their shoulders the way we do with our daughters.  There is no need to when there is always a mother – often times single – who is willing to shield their son from responsibility and a father who is willing to chalk up their misdeeds to “boys being boys.”

This is not to suggest that all is lost with our young men.  There are plenty of examples in our community which challenge that stereotype of girl raising and boy spoiling.  However, what those examples all have in common is an awareness of their role as parents raising children, regardless of gender, and a determination not to lower standards based upon beliefs that “things are harder for them because they are black boys.”

 

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  • Pardon_My_Knowledge

    I agree it is sad that we are to assume females won't have a permanent mate that will assist in raising their children. What can we honestly do?

    I'd have to disagree with you when saying that a woman isn't qualified to lead a young man into manhood. A woman led President Obama into manhood and look at all that he's accomplished. Your statement detracts from the significance of a woman in the household. Your statement also implies that a man isn't qualified to lead a young lady into womanhood. This too is false. What children need are parents that are nurturing, patient, affectionate towards them, and those that interact with them. They need parents who are going to teach them all that they need to know about the world and if that parent doesn't know, they'll seek the information. Lastly, parents that are concerned about their child's social, mental, and emotional development. Gender doesn't play a role in possessing these qualities. Nor does marriage. It's both their jobs to raise their children, not the father's job to raise the son and the mother's job to raise the daughter. We as people need to focus more on education and holding our boys/men accountable for their actions. This includes poor grades.

    • Tpe

      That's not true about Obama being led by a woman into manhood.Obama had a grandfather who was active in his life as well as a step father.

  • Pro-Lif3

    You hit the nail on the head, but political correctness blinds you to the solution. Stop having babies out of wedlock. Women are not qualified to lead young men to manhood. That is the father's job. Who has the most father's in the home, certainly not Black or Hispanic men. I bet you find most Asian dads in the same household as their kids. It's a sad commentary on a group of people when the assumption is the females will not have a permanent ate and will have to raise offspring alone.

  • Pardon_My_Knowledge

    @ Inda B let us consider pre-industrialization. Women were still raising young boys and shaping them into productive men while the man of the house worked. The only difference today is that there isn’t a man in the household. I ask you, is it truly the women subscribing to the ideology that she’s a super woman and can raise a village on her own that’s cancerous to our families? Or is it that Black men refuses to take care of their responsibilities and deserts their family? From my observations, it is soley the latter. Somewhere along the line the Black family structure has shifted. Men now find fatherhood optional and it’s understood that no one can make them be that father figure. Nor should anyone have to; providing and protecting should be a given. Some have no issue with leaving their offspring unattended while the mother struggles to put food in their stomachs, clothes on their backs, and instill values. What are some women to do? she has to raise her children with or without a father.

    @ Queen pen, don’t take such offense to the truth. Look around you hun. You will see that there are more productive women in society than men. I’m currently enrolled in college and in any given semester I’ll have no more than 5 male students out of 30 in my class. How many of them are Black? About 2 and even that’s a stretch. The intent of this article wasn’t to rid us of hope of someday leaving the ghetto. But rather, to bring clarity to a major issue in our culture so that we can break this cycle.

  • jada

    who is wasting their time to acquire these statistics? What is the point to know the exact numbers by which blacks are falling behind?

  • Blackgirl

    Amen Ida!!!!! I’m dating and I consistently run into men raised by women who complain that they don’t know how to be a man or they simply show that they are a weak man. We as black folks are quick to promote and rally behind foolish mess without thinking. Single mothers want their props but they are ruining black men. Why? Because they can’t raise a man. Period. Women are designed for softness and nurturing. None of which a man needs to survive this world. Step one is quite being delusional!!!!

  • Regina

    She also can’t hold a gun to the father’s head & force him to raise his son-somebody has to do it & that somebody is me! And I can’t go back in time and choose a different father either, but thank God for family, church & community my son is 25, maaried, in the army (5yrs), graduated high school & has never seen a jail cell! The issue is & will always be a man’s choice to be a father to his child which is an option to a man & he knows it! Not that women can’t do the same but based on the number of single females who serve as head of the household versus men, the men completely dominate in this area

    • Pro-Lif3

      Maybe she shouldn't have slept with him until after she knew he'd be a good father. Yes, if you date someone for a few months, their true personality will reveal itself. I wonder how many of these single moms knew the "men" they were bedding already had children they weren't providing for.

      • Tpe

        deep sigh.Most deadbeat fathers start off as apart of their children's life and leave when the child is around 3.
        Most men are not having one night stands and then dipping.The man leaving the picture completely is a process that tends to start AFTER the child has been born.I do however agree that men with children should be off limits to any woman if he's not providing support for his kids.

        However,In spite of a woman's lapse in judgement the man that makes a child still has responsibility for the child regardless

  • jkid84

    I dont know why this is new ! This has been going on for some time now…we're raising our young daughters to be responsible independent adults..but we're not doing the same with our young boys. Why is it that a young lady will know how to do laundry…cook…balance school and a pt job…but a young man wont even know how to boil water? Its 2011 we need to get out of that mentality. My parents raised us (3 girls 1 boy) to be independent because you should never raise anyone to have to rely on the next person. Im SO thankful that I also have a father that was raised to be independent himself..th vcbus he knows how to cook, clean, and handle his business. My parents SHARED the workload and they've been together now over 30yrs

  • Queen*Pen

    I dont believe that most of the Ivy league schools are filed with BLACK MEN. MORE THAN 75% OF COLLEGE GOING STUDENT ARE BLACK MALES SO STOP PRINTING STORY TO KEEP US THINKING THAT THERE IS NOT A WAY OUT OF THE GHETTOS AND PROJECTS OR THAT WE ONLY DRUG DEAL. GET A LIFE AND DO SOME RESEARCH!

  • Roye

    I disagree. The reasons why the tide is turning is because we've turned all our focus on helping women in the education system and we treat boys like they are a problem. The system has left boys behind. So many female teachers will baby a female student and get her the help they need while they will banish a boy as a problem child and send him to in-school suspension or some other mess that is basically getting him ready for incarceration. We don't care about our boys when it comes to education.

  • Ida B Wells

    I think the article makes a interesting point but I'd like to add another view . A woman cannot raise up & teach a boy to be a STRONG PRODUCTIVE MAN. This cancerous mythology of the "super women/single mom" who doesn't need a father for her child because she can be both is killing us as a people. A father figure cannot be optional. I know there are exceptions but we have been fooled into feeling the exceptions are the rule. Its a cruel cycle that begins & ends with black women. & the choices she makes concerning who she mates with.

    We can't have it both ways. Celebrating single moms like its normal & productive but then write articles like this that show whats going wrong.

  • Georgia

    To you I say:

    YOU 'JUS'T' CAUGHT ONTO THIS!

    Too bad it took epidemic numbers before you notice

  • Queen I

    Great article!

  • 717DREAMGIRL

    As a mother of three young men, try to instill the importance of a good education. My children know just home important school is. I call them my kings but I make sure that homework is done and chores. Good grades are a must in my household

  • 16 and dreaming

    Check out some great workshops from Dr. Jawanza Kunjufu on YouTube as he digs deep into this very issue and then some.

  • blkbeauty

    This story is dedicated to all the "brothas" always speaking negatively about "sistahs."

  • Rosanna

    As a teacher, I have seen parents come down much harder on girls for failing grades and misbehavior than boys. When it comes to their sons, many have the "boys will be boys" attitude. And, unfortunately, many of these boys will grow up to be mama's boys, not knowing how to survive on their own. My last ex's mother used to call him to wake him up in the morning for work!!! Needless to say, that didn't last too long… ;)

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