Get Over It: Some Black Men Like White Women

July 19th, 2010 - By Danielle Kwateng

The inferiority complex. Colorism. He wants a trophy wife. Issues with his momma. Acting ‘”white.” Ego builder. False sense of self-worth. Rejection of his heritage. Acceptance from white society. “Doormat mentality” of women.

Every time a brother walks hand-in-hand with a white woman we have some type of psychological diagnosis for him. At least one sister puts her nose up in disgust and another cuts her eyes. On the surface, the anger comes from him looking like a sell-out or choosing her as a trophy piece. “If these were slavery times, she wouldn’t dare been seen with him,” I’ve heard friends say.

Jill Scott received attention from her commentary about black men with white women in her Essence piece a few months ago. “We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a black man even looked at a white woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death,” she said. “In the midst of this, black women and black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed.”

As insightful madames, we have two choices: we can dig into the issue as deeply as Scott did, or resolve just a few basic questions. One, is it that we feel black men are choosing to be with white women — or purposely rejecting black women? And if they’re rejecting us, does it mean we have less worth to them or maybe we did something wrong? Or are we simply jealous?

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There has been discussion, debate and drama over this issue for years. Different social theories have placed all black men who date white women in a box, but in the end, it’s all ridiculous.

As we all know: dating, love and marriage sometimes go beyond the realm of science to a faraway place called personal preference. And as much as some would like to deem every black man in an interracial relationship as having an “issue,” it’s really his prerogative.

At the end of the day, it comes down to wanting someone with a strong sense of self– even if she just happens to be white.

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  • MissyK.

    @bzross: Will you marry me? LOL. In all seriousness; that is exactly the kind of encouragement we need to hear and feel. Yes, we are strong and independent but theres absolutly nothing wrong with some soft stroking. Thanks:)

  • bzross

    My Black women comes in many shades of black, from white chocolate to black chocolate. There is no need for me to venture any farther. She gave me life. I will always appreciate her for that. I say it out loud with PRIDE! I will always love my black women!

  • MissKnowItAll

    I think it's about time we get over complaining about how black men are with white women. Isn't racial integration some people worked so hard to make possible. I mean people also complain about black women being with White, Hispanic, and Asian men. When will the 'hateration' ever end? In my opinion it just comes down to attraction and one's preference. Lets face it people, ebony & ivory in today's world can now live in harmony. Interracial love is now a norm. Remember years ago this was not allowed? Lets just get over it and be happy.

  • Sandy

    As an African American male friend of mine said, " A Black man who says he can't find a Black woman, is a Black man who doesn't want a Black women, because Black women come in different complexions, shapes, sizes, education level, financial status, and so.

  • Take A Hike Brother.

    Who cares! It's time to get over it and move on. I'm sick of this topic. I have made up my mind to date who I please, not the packing. Chad is just 1% of the brothers who thinks his "johnson" is equal opportunity until he catches an STD.

  • http://www.madamenoire.com Kweli Wright

    Actually, the dancer is Asian and white. The Dancing show went to her home, her mom is Filipino and her dad is Caucasian. Not black.

  • Jhanique

    No disrespect, but it's funny that the title and picture don't match. The girl, Chad is posing with, from Dancing With The Stars, is black. Though she doesn't look it, she is.

    That's all. :)

  • http://www.adultclubaustralia.com/ Carmen Parton

    Hi I am Carmen. I enjoy your blog. i like dating i can found http://www.adultclubaustralia.com this site for dating . i like it. If you are looking dating partner online you can visit this site.

  • p

    the only thing i hate is that it stems from racism, i think its ridiculous that people put white women on a pedestral and put black women down. but any man who doesn't love himself has issues anyway. White people have mad black women out to be less then, and won't act like they like blk women but of course this isn't the truth giving alla the 'shades of colors' in the african american race. but will say beauty is beauty and if you do you, there's bound to be someone who wants what u got, so instead of waiting at home for some tired brother who doesn't want to be honest, let them do whatever they want, i aint mad. maybe it's because as blk women we act like we can't go on with out them and they look for someone who isn't even paying them anymind. I hope society changes one day so they will value what we have to offer, but sometimes guys wants what is easy, and who wants to eat your peas. they see us as responsible and them as a vacation, whether it is true or not. But deep down think they know we got it goin on, so i say, don't sweat the haters and do you.

  • starlight

    @L

    I think you should tell your story, i people need to know that this goes both ways. I totally can see where your coming from, i liked white guy but we never dated 'cos my family was against it. And being as it was in the early stages of like/crush, i let it go, i know when to pick my battles and that wasn't the time for it, especially since i knew he wasn't the one for me.

    But I always wondered how other white people would view us if we dated. I'm sad that you had such a bad experience/reception from them regarding your relationship :(

  • Mimi

    @L

    Really?
    I have never heard any accounts of an angry white woman (with the exception of some accounts from Pre-Civil Rights era). Usually stories of the angry black woman are the stories that receive the most attention.

  • D

    Actually, I don't think these white women have a greater sense of self. For the most part, they are seeking validation, same as we are; often, it's at our expense. Historically, they've been seen as the ideal woman, the one you marry. And you know what the greater society thought of black women! I suspect they haven't let go of that to a certain extent. Some of them still want to know that they are preferred; that they are better than Black women. Some seek out Black men to confirm this.

  • Nadia

    I am so, so sick of our own race of men coming down on us because the made the decision to date outside of our race. Good for you, but don't put us down because you think white is right. As Black women, Lord KNOWS how much we deal with in relationships with Black men. When Black women decide to date outside our race or even continue to date other Black men, we don't go around voicing our disdain for our own like Black men have been doing. It's disgusting and sad. When I was told by a historian YEARS ago that the Black man would be the downfall of his own race, I had no idea it would be this bad. Wake up, people! Our race really IS being destroyed by our own and it's pathetic…especially considering how the Black man has ALWAYS blamed the white man for all of his problems. Now he's leaving his Black family to take care of that white man's daughter. SMH

  • jazz

    I think Black women should truly move on. We as Black women are beautiful and come in all sizes, shapes, and colors. There are so many men besides Black men out there who would love to have us on their arm.

  • Ladysoul22

    the way many black males are disrespectful,childish,don't know how to love,in prison,drug dealers, undercover homosexuals, and giving HIV and AIDS to Black women, millions of Black males cause Black women to be on welfare with their kids, don't take care of their kids, and leave many Black women, there shouldn't be a big thing about who those good for nothing low life trash be with. what needs to be done is Black women should no longer allow Black males to bring them down. millions of Black sisters should go back to school and get an education, and start a career. right now, they look weak worrying about some black male sticking his thing in a white girl. GET YOURSELVES TOGETHER, BLACK WOMEN, AND STOP COMPLAINING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Mimi

    @L
    really?

  • L

    I am tired of this topic, you know why? I am tired because I am a Black woman in a relationship with a White man and I can tell you that nobody has been nastier, more trifling, more rude, or more condescending toward us as a couple than White WOMEN. Let's talk about that for once!

  • kluv

    I highly doubt the high sense of self comment in the article. The main complaint about black women is their bad attitudes and righteous indignation. White women are allegedly easier to get along with. The good thing is Becky is totally color blind when it comes to jacking men of their money. Becky doesn't play when it comes to divorce look at Michael Strahan and Tiger Woods and just to be fair Steven Spielberg and Harrison Ford.

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  • Stupidity is a disea

    I don't really think as a black woman that this is every going to be an easy topic. I resonate partially with the article in that I wish it were. I do believe each black mans and each white womans intent on being with one another are very different. Some reasons are superficial and reek of self loathing and lack of self love and some some do suffer (black men) from a deep sense of self hatred due to racisms ills. Some are also genuinely in love with white women and only see her soul and not the color of her skin. To those black men, I say do ya thang. Why? Because its authentic. I am going to be honest, for many black women to see a black man with a white woman does hurt yes and there will not be any clear solutions or answers for a very long time in this country. As long as racism exists in this country (America) there will always be a problem with it. I feel that until black women realize that we need to look at other options in loving men, we will be stuck on the black man/white girl issue. Maybe this is a karmic call for black women to love other men of other races and not to polarize our love to just 'OUR MEN'. I k now we all proclaim to love how black men look, smell, feel, etc. But honestly ask yourself does your black men or black men in general feel that way about US? This may be a bad example but most people will live their lives using he example of celebs. Look at all the black men who are either married or with white women!? Its enough to make your ego, self worth and love you have for a brotha, just one seize up! Listen ladies we don't have too many other choices.

    Black women need to be empowered in realizing our options. We are considered very beautiful by men of other races and we in my opinion need to really look outside of our race and find true love and happiness with other men. Not for superficial reasons, not from self hatred, but from a genuine need or desire to explore and find happiness with someone else but of course first love has to come from within.

    There are no easy solutions, no easy re-actions, only self love and healing can allow each, black woman and the black man to move through it and beyond it.

    Let us shift our attentions and focus. Don't get mad or upset when you see black men with white women. Let's not try and figure out "WHY", lets let it move past our emotions, or mindset like a breeze on a warm summers day. Replace that emotion of damaged self worth, into self love and worthiness. Hold your head up, don't take it personal and move into YOUR DESTINY. Allow your spirit to open up and receive what the universe has to offer you in the way of love. Expand your social circles, your interests, what books you read and the company you keep. Join some interracial dating sites and make it happen in a calm way. See what comes your way and more importantly, open your hearts.

    We need to heal and the only way we are going to do this is by being the captain of our own ships and making different choices by the way we think.

    I don't know if this will HELP, but its worth a try because WE ARE WORTH IT!

    Moon

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