Get Over It: Some Black Men Like White Women

July 19th, 2010 - By Danielle Kwateng

The inferiority complex. Colorism. He wants a trophy wife. Issues with his momma. Acting ‘”white.” Ego builder. False sense of self-worth. Rejection of his heritage. Acceptance from white society. “Doormat mentality” of women.

Every time a brother walks hand-in-hand with a white woman we have some type of psychological diagnosis for him. At least one sister puts her nose up in disgust and another cuts her eyes. On the surface, the anger comes from him looking like a sell-out or choosing her as a trophy piece. “If these were slavery times, she wouldn’t dare been seen with him,” I’ve heard friends say.

Jill Scott received attention from her commentary about black men with white women in her Essence piece a few months ago. “We reflect on this awful past and recall that if a black man even looked at a white woman, he would have been lynched, beaten, jailed or shot to death,” she said. “In the midst of this, black women and black men struggled together, mourned together, starved together, braved the hoses and vicious police dogs and died untimely on southern back roads together. These harsh truths lead to what we really feel when we see a seemingly together brother with a Caucasian woman and their children. That feeling is betrayed.”

As insightful madames, we have two choices: we can dig into the issue as deeply as Scott did, or resolve just a few basic questions. One, is it that we feel black men are choosing to be with white women — or purposely rejecting black women? And if they’re rejecting us, does it mean we have less worth to them or maybe we did something wrong? Or are we simply jealous?

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There has been discussion, debate and drama over this issue for years. Different social theories have placed all black men who date white women in a box, but in the end, it’s all ridiculous.

As we all know: dating, love and marriage sometimes go beyond the realm of science to a faraway place called personal preference. And as much as some would like to deem every black man in an interracial relationship as having an “issue,” it’s really his prerogative.

At the end of the day, it comes down to wanting someone with a strong sense of self– even if she just happens to be white.

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  • hotredhead

    I love seeing black and white love :)

  • Tia

    OK. YES there is alot of this colorism issue in the community, and the gender war seems to be raging on. but honestly, i mainly see black couples. yes i do see mixed couples but i see more black people together, why is this overlooked? allof our men, dare i say most of them do not desire white women, some do ,but its not *most of them. alot of them are just more open to other races, some of them do have issues with black women and will not date them. but black men in general do not discriminate against women on that level i find. from the internet and media y ou'd think seeing 2 black people together was a thing of the past! i just mean people, why do we believe brothers are leaving en masse? they are not. there are plenty of them out there, it may not be who you want or on what career level or etc. but most black men will date and marry black women.

  • c.e.h

    I came across this article by accident but it is a topic which intrests me, and I am especially interested in the strong oppinions some people seem to hold regarding the subject! I am 18 years old and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 2 years, I am white and he is black. The colour of our skin has never been an issue in the relationship what-so-ever and it angers me reading this to think that people would judge us soely on the fact we have an inter-racial relationship. I love him and he loves me THAT SHOULD BE THE ONLY THING THAT MATTERS. BLACK, WHITE, ASIAN, INDIAN RICH OR POOR IT SHOULD NOT MATTER!! How small minded are you if you think otherwise. I say VERY!!!

  • prudie1

    Thank God for you and your husband, you both are wise beyond your years. STAY BLACK!

    • c.e.h

      i am slightly confused, at the beginning you said you had light skin, at the end you said 'as a black woman i…'

  • MimiRose

    Here is another misconception:

    Not every "I despised black women" black man is successful in having a loving relationship with the "woman of their dreams".

    I know plenty of white women, Asian women and many other non-black women who says that they refuse to date a black man with those type of issues. Their reasons? They believe that men, with that type of mindset, have issues with women, in general.

  • http://Youtube.com/ultramitv UltraMi

    I find it soooo funny that Black men can't handle seeing a Black woman with a White man!!!! They say they can handle it but they just lose it! When I'm out with a White guy, brothas can not handle it!

  • taijarivera

    Ok let me tell my story… as a Black woman who married outside of my race Im must say I get alot of flack from black men. They ask why im with this weak *expletive*, or say what a brother too strong for you, or he's corney, or he cant handle ALL that girl stop playing. Ive been called a sellout i have junglefever ive been given sideways glances sneers and eye rolls. White women are more silent but they huff and puff and theyre faces are full of contempt or i get a chuckle. The most annoying thing is if i see another IR couple they stare like hey! were in the same club! And its 97% bm/ww relationships. My beef is this he is a man i am a woman he treated me better than anyone has ever before, he treated me with respect and I love him for it and vice versa…Thats it. I was just looking for love and i found it in a package many dont agree with… I dated mostly black but I was open to whatever came my way and Im thankful for it. I believe if everybody thought the same way there would be more happinness and less hate… Black women would have a higher marriage percent and less single parentage. We all are beautiful no one more so than the other lets celebrate THAT!!

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