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Is it safe to say you’ve become way too comfortable in your relationship if you choose to engage in sexual activities with your partner wearing your bonnet or headwrap?

A friend of mine told me that her simple silk night cap had caused an argument between her and her husband. While they were trying to go at it in the bedroom, he asked her to take her bonnet off, and when she didn’t, sparks flew — in a bad way. He didn’t necessarily need to play in her hair or even really see it, but something about her black, bulky head covering was taking the “sex” out of sexy.

However, she took his request personally. She told me that she felt his issues with her scarf, since he’d brought up his desire for her to remove it quite a few times before and said it wasn’t “a good look” during sex, made her feel like something looked wrong with her. Not to mention, rolling around in the sheets without it was not, as he would say, a good look for her hair.

Real Housewives of Atlanta star Kandi Burruss said back in 2015 that she had to forgo her bonnets during bedtime because husband Todd Tucker was not feeling them. He blamed the decline in their sex life on her nighttime looks, which caused some controversy.

“Let’s be real. I’m not Tyson Beckford and you’re not Rihanna,” he told Kandi on RHOA. “When’s the last time you didn’t have the bonnet on and you put some heels on? Man, have you seen a lady at night with a bonnet? The thirstiest dudes wouldn’t get it up!”

She would go on to say that she and Todd worked out an agreement about her beloved hair covering.

“We’re coming to a compromise about the bonnet,” she said. “I’ll just put it on after he’s asleep.”

It’s petty, but it’s a compromise made for the sake of saving her hair, and her sex life. Got to respect that.

I can sympathize with the need to protect one’s strands, but I can also understand how not cute bonnets can be, especially when two people are nude. It’s like keeping tube socks on in the buff — one can’t help but to ask why. Plus, there are other options, like getting a satin pillowcase. With that in the bed, you can roll around without feeling like you’re going to look up and see a bevvy of loose strands all over the bed and missing from your edges. You can also take a nice satin or silk scarf and find cute ways to style your hair for those intimate moments, the same way you do when you want to wear such pieces to work or out and about. Jazz up your protection options.

But there should also be some wiggle room. If your hair is freshly done and you don’t want a hair out of place, to the point that you’d even alter how you sleep, then something has to give for sexy time. Headwraps and bonnets may not have the appeal of sex in stilettos or lingerie, but if one doesn’t want to go without it sometimes, that shouldn’t completely halt a moment between lovers. And if it does, that’s incredibly superficial.

Overall, there just needs to be an understanding of the feelings and concerns of both parties. If your hair coverings seem to be an issue, then it can’t hurt to make an effort to take them off for sex and put them on right after, or to wear them occasionally during the act. But I must say, if a man truly wants to get some from his woman, I can’t see a bonnet, wrap, sock, du-rag, rollers or any other contraption made for hair getting in the way…

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