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Whether we care to admit it or not, many of us have been Karrueche Tran at some point in our romantic past, involving ourselves with a man who had no intention of being faithful, showing us genuine love, or solidifying a future for the two of us. But how many of us are over that one bad boy in our past? And if you are, what did it take to get there?
Karrueche finally seems to be in a happy, healthy relationship with a nice guy (Victor Cruz) after that trainwreck of a situationship with Chris Brown. But as she was going through all of the on-again-off-again drama with her ex she was an easy target for shade. Afterall, she was a sidechick in her own relationship as Chris repeatedly cheated on her and gave other women the priority in his life. None of us could understand why Karrueche chose to overlook the other women, but even she reached her limits when he had a baby with another woman while they were together. For her, that was the final straw and she had to leave.
Not unlike Karrueche, many of us have reached our breaking point with a bad boy. In my own past, I can think of a complicated relationship that devolved into a situationship that far exceeded its expiration date. Looking at how things played out with Karrueche and Chris, I can see similarities in what I experienced with my bad boy ex. I can also remember five distinct indicators throughout my time with him that showed me I was truly over bad boys. Here are some signs you’re on the path to wanting better too.
You’re Tired Of His Shenanigans
After a while, the things that I found charming about my ex got really, really old. That’s probably because I finally realized he was incredibly immature. There’s a world of difference between being young-at-heart and immature. When I really evaluated the man I was with, it was clear he was the latter.
You’re Tired of Coming in 2nd (or 3rd) Place
Your bad boy may either be super into himself (or other women), but one thing is for certain: you’re not really a priority in his life. In my case, my ex would tell me that he loved me and use his words to try to convince me that I mattered to him. His actions, on the other hand, rarely showed I did.
My parents taught me by example that in any good relationship, each person puts their partner first. While that’s what I was doing, the sentiment wasn’t at all reciprocated, despite tons of lip service to the contrary. Being put last made me feel like my ex didn’t think that I was good enough to come first. At that point in my life, I didn’t have to the courage to call him out and hold him accountable for his actions. Looking back, I’m not sure why I stayed as long as I did, but I think there was a part of me that didn’t think I could do better so I was okay with settling.
You’re Tired of The Second-Guessing
Trust is an essential part of any relationship and the truth is I couldn’t trust my ex. He gave me all kinds of reasons to doubt him and his loyalty to me and his words and actions never quite matched up. In hindsight, I was definitely being gas-lighted. Not only was I second-guessing what he told me, I was also second-guessing my own judgment, which caused a lot of anxiety for me. Eventually, I was able to trust my intuition again and once I did it was a lot easier to see right from wrong.
The Thought Of Him Low-Key Disgusts You
This sounds incredibly harsh, but I see it as a physical manifestation of spiritual aversion. My entire being was so put off by ex when I was ready to move on that my body had a very unpleasant reaction. If there had ever been a doubt in my mind that I was over my problematic ex, all of that was wiped away when the very sight of him turned my stomach. That’s when I knew that all of those butterflies he once made me feel were good and dead.
You No Longer Give A F*ck
They say that the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. I can absolutely confirm that. For a long, long time, I was very hurt about how I had allowed myself to be treated by this guy who said he loved me. It was a deep hurt that became too heavy of a burden to continue carrying. I eventually had to find a way to drop that hurt and stop caring about him because I knew that it was going to cause me a lot more harm if I didn’t. Over time, I became indifferent to my ex because he was no longer part of my everyday life, and I was no longer interested in what was going on in his. He was and is a non-factor to me.
After dealing with my ex and his toxic behavior. I seriously had to reconsider what it is I wanted out of a relationship and the qualities in a man that are conducive with those desires. As painful as that time was, it still became the barometer of things that I would and would not tolerate in a relationship from that moment on.
