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She Initiates Conversation

Sexy woman talking on her mobile phone

Yesterday, a man I went to college with tweeted something interesting.

I say it was interesting not because he said anything profound or unusual but because the response to it was more interesting than the original inquiry. That and the fact that it reminded me of my own relationship and a series of conversations my fiancé and I have had about communicating. On regular days we speak or text throughout the day or at least once a day.

But when I go home, to spend time with my parents, cousins, aunt and uncle, and friends, the communication gets a bit more lax. I’ve gone two days without checking in. I don’t live near my loved ones, so when I’m home, I want to be present with them. I want to spend time listening, laughing, catching up doing the things we can’t do regularly.

And honestly, as much as I think and talk about T. with my family and friends, I still feel connected.

But when I returned, I learned how wrong I was. I was ready to reunite, pick up where we left off and he just wasn’t. He was truly hurt that I’d gone 2 days without saying anything to him.

And in his defense, I didn’t get a chance to watch and respond to a video he’d sent. I could see why his feelings were hurt. I apologized and vowed to do better.

But if I’m being honest, there’s a part of me that doesn’t all the way get it. Before my current relationship, I was in something like a long distance one where the phone was everything. I had to respond to every text, every shared video, I had to answer every single phone call because that was all we had. Looking back, there was a time in my life where I almost worshipped my phone because, aside from seeing each other twice a year, it was the only connection we had in our relationship.

Now that I’m in the same space as my man and we see each other often, I look at my phone as less of a necessity. More than anything, I’m on the phone trying to make plans to see him in person because that’s what I’m really here for. Truth be told, I don’t like the phone. I want to see your face when I tell you something. I’m the type of person who looks at text messages, responds in my head and then forgets to type in real life.

Still, what I’m really not trying to do is hurt my boo’s feelings, so I try to do to compromise and do better for him.

I’ve heard people almost brag about communicating with their spouses every single day, only to end up divorced. And I’ve known people who lived on different continents, people who have loved ones serving in the military who couldn’t speak everyday and they’re still going strong. I don’t think the amount of communication can predict a relationship outcome. You know, quality over quantity.

What does end relationships though is people feeling like they’re not valued or a priority in your lives, so it’s just best to do what you can to make sure your partner doesn’t have to question that.

In relationships, are you the type of person who wants to communicate with your partner every single day or do you still feel like the relationship is strong when you take a break every once in a while?

Veronica Wells is the culture editor at MadameNoire.com. She is also the author of “Bettah Days” and the creator of the website NoSugarNoCreamMag. You can follow her on Facebook and on Instagram and Twitter @VDubShrug.
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