Your Excuses To Overeat During The Holidays, Crushed

December 6, 2017  |  
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Gettyimages.com/Man feeding woman a cookie

All year-round we have excuses to overeat. But only during the holidays are we given the chance to use those excuses every day. No, every meal. No, every hour. Something about the holidays just makes everyone want to bake, add powdered sugar to everything, candy this, and butter that. And we want to share our food. Don’t we know any way to get into the holiday spirit that doesn’t involve also getting into our stretchy pants? Apparently not. It’s easy to talk yourself out of a third cookie when you only see cookies twice a week. It becomes a bit more difficult when the entire world turns into a candy and baked goods shop around the holidays—a shop where everything is free. Gulp. Here are your holiday overeating excuses, crushed.

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I don’t want to be rude

Do you honestly think the host even notices if you eat from the buffet? She is so stressed about the rude thing her mom said to her boss and the guy she has a crush on who she invited. She does not notice how many pigs in a blanket you scarf down.

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There are so many parties

That’s true, but maybe you should take the time to speak to people and catch up at those parties. This is a time of year when you see people you barely have the time to see. So, instead of circling back to the buffet table, why don’t you catch up with that one old friend who is only in town for two days a year?

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It makes the workday better

Sure, a few sweet treats can make the workday go down easier. But they also make you feel guilty and gross in the evening. And then you somehow feel even worse about your workday than you normally would.

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I’ll make a fit New Years resolution

Doing bad habits now because you plan on fixing them with a New Years resolution is not healthy. If you don’t have the resolve to start a healthy habit right now, then you never will.

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Everyone else is doing it

Yeah and you know what else everyone else will be doing? Complaining about all the weight they put on during the holidays. Don’t you want to gloat a little and say, “Huh. That’s funny. I didn’t put on any pounds.”

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The chef worked really hard on this

Fine—so take a bite and tell him how good it was. If it’s really that delicious then the chef will be happy to have leftovers.

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There are starving people

So you shouldn’t waste food, right? Well, first of all, any excess calories are a waste either way because your body didn’t need them for fuel. Second, make a plate of food from that party buffet and take it to a truly hungry individual on the street.

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I need to gain weight to stay warm

No, you don’t. It’s the year 2017 (nearly 2018). We have insulated puffy jackets and thermostats for warmth. You do not need to sacrifice your waistline for your body’s internal climate.

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I’m wearing bulky clothes so who cares

You’ll care when the weather warms up again and you have to go to your first beach party. Then you’ll care a lot.

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The food is nostalgic

A lot of holiday foods are nostalgic. They bring you back to your childhood—to opening gifts with your family and taking snow days from school. But you can re-visit your childhood without food. Look through old photo albums, call your mom, and put down the fruitcake.

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This food only comes around once a year

Not really. You can make it anytime you want, you just don’t. But you always have access to the ingredients for a bundt cake or butter cookie.

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I’m the only single one at this holiday party

So your emotions drive you to eat. But then you’ll be upset that you’re single and nauseous. Stick to the celery and hummus and vodka soda water and make the couples who’ve recently gained weight jealous.

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My guests expect heavy holiday foods

Honestly, if you’re hosting the holiday party, your guests will probably be grateful for a departure from the usual heavy, sugary foods. They’ll probably thank you for serving something that didn’t contain a pastry or gravy.

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I can’t control my meals/I’m traveling/visiting

You can always control your meals. With enough planning and insistence, you can dictate what you eat. You can control your meals; you just don’t want to.

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I’ll ski it off

Going on a ski trip, huh? Plan on flying down those slopes like an Olympic gold medalist, do ya? We both know you’re going to do two runs, feel exhausted, and indulge in bread bowls and eggnog in the lobby the rest of the time.

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