Iyanla Vanzant’s Best Lessons About Life And Love

November 9, 2017  |  
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attends the 2017 ESSENCE Festival presented by Coca-Cola at Ernest N. Morial Convention Center on July 1, 2017 in New Orleans, Louisiana.

Credit: Getty

You may not necessarily need Iyanla to fix your entire life, but we bet the author and spiritual teacher can impart a word of wisdom or two to you as you navigate the twists and turns of life and love.

Sometimes you don’t need an entire sermon or workshop to set you on the right path, just a quote that affirms the direction in which you need to move and the things you need to leave behind. Here are 13 of our favorites from Iyanla Vanzant.

“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.”

“Sooner or later, we must all accept the fact that in a relationship, the only person you are dealing with is yourself. Your partner does nothing more than reveal your stuff to you. Your fear! Your anger! Your pattern! Your craziness! As long as you insist on pointing the finger out there, at them, you will continue to miss out on the divine opportunity to clear your stuff. Here is a meantime tip—we love in others what we love in ourselves. We despise in others what we cannot see in ourselves.”

“The only way to get what you really want is to let go of what you don’t want.”

“You don’t get to tell people how to love you; you get to choose if you want to participate in the way they love.”

“If you are afraid to take a chance, take one anyway. What you don’t do can create the same regrets as the mistakes you make.”

“You can accept or reject the way you are treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories, and make peace with them.”

“Acceptance means that you know, regardless of what happened, that there is something bigger than you at work. It also means you know that you are okay and that you will continue to be okay.”

“Unworthiness always puts you in debt to anyone and everyone who shows you the slightest degree of attention or love or energy. Eventually, in this form of bankrupt relationship, your benefactors will demand or expect more than you are able or willing to give. This is the precise moment they will choose to call in the loan.”

“You can never love anyone to your own detriment. That is not love, that is possession, control, fear, or a combination of them all.”

“When you need to be loved, you take love wherever you can find it. When you are desperate to be loved, feel love, know love, you seek out what you think love should look like. When you find love, or what you think love is, you will lie, kill, and steal to keep it. But learning about real love comes from within. It cannot be given. It cannot be taken away. It grows from your ability to re-create within yourself, the essence of loving experiences you have had in your life.”

“Fear wears so many clever disguises it is virtually impossible to always recognize it. Fear disguises itself as the need to be somewhere else, doing something else, not knowing how to do something or not needing to do something.”

“Release and detach from every person, every circumstance, every condition, and every situation that no longer serves a divine purpose in your life. All things have a season, and all seasons must come to an end. Choose a new season, filled with purposeful thoughts and activities.”

“I now know that nothing in my life will change until I change the way I see my life and myself.”

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